Features rss

Being a Real Man in Islam


Malcolm X, aka El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz, standing in prayer

El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz (formerly Malcolm X) standing in prayer. In many ways Malcolm was the epitome of a "real man" in Islam. He put everything on the line for what he believed in.

Being a Real Man in Islam:

Drugs, Criminality and The Problem of Masculinity

By Yahya Birt
Published in Q-News, June 2000, revised June 2001

English convert to Islam, Yahya Birt, contrasts the crisis of criminality in the Pakistani and Bangladeshi communities in Britain with the Islamic ideal and suggests a way forward.

We praise Allah and we seek His aid, we seek forgiveness from Him and we affirm faith in Him, and upon Him we are utterly reliant. We shower blessings upon the noble Prophet, the Head of the Prophets and Messengers, and upon his family and his companions and those that followed them in righteousness until the Day of Rising. There is no power or might except Allah, the Exalted and Mighty. I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Devil. In the name of Allah, the All Merciful and Compassionate.

The Crisis of Criminality in the Muslim Community

The latest Home office statistics make grim reading for the Muslim community: Muslim prisoners have doubled in the last decade to reach a total of between 4000-4500—amounting to 9% of the total prison population—which is treble our proportion of the total population. One in eleven prisoners is Muslim. This surge in Muslim crime is not being discussed openly within the community, most probably out of a sense of shame. But in reality, we should be feel ashamed precisely because we are not discussing these problems openly and confronting them. Shame should impel not prohibit a constructive response.

So what sort of crime is being committed and who is doing it? Sadly, but not surprisingly, over 65% of these prisoners are young men between the ages of eighteen and thirty. This huge figure does not include youngsters under the age of 18 who are in custodial care. We should not forget to add that 10% are women. The sorts of crime committed not only include petty theft but also violent and obscene muggings. [1] Maqsood Ahmed, the Muslim Advisor to the Prison Service appointed by the government in 1999, says that currently (as of June 2000) 1005 out of the 4003 Muslim inmates have committed crimes related to drug pushing or drug use. So one in four of British Muslim prisoners have been convicted for drug-related offences. [2]

Muslims and the Global Drug Trade

We need to face facts: Muslim involvement in hard drugs is not confined to Muslims in the West. Of the traditional ‘natural’ drugs, Muslims are heavily involved with the planting, harvesting, refinement, smuggling, and distribution to Europe of heroin and cannabis. While cannabis is the most widely used illicit substance in Europe, heroin, the most deadly drug, is little used in comparison; but it is most associated with social marginalisation and addiction.

Cannabis

Today, Morocco is the world’s largest cannabis exporter, with a crop of 2000 metric tonnes, having had a tenfold increase in production from 1983-1993. While the Moroccan government has made agreements with the European Union (EU) to grow substitute crops and domestic seizures of hash have risen, total production has increased at the same time. There is deep government involvement, going right up to the Royal family; an assertion that can be given some credence because the Ministry of Agriculture produces highly accurate and confidential statistics about the total acreage of hash under cultivation every year. One estimate puts the value of hash exports at two thirds of Morocco’s total exports, or 10% of the country’s income. Most hash enters Europe through Spain, where it distributed by Moroccan and Dutch criminal elements among others.

Heroin

Of the world’s two major heroin suppliers, Afghanistan overtook Burma as world leader in the late 1990s. In 1999, it supplied 77% of the world’s heroin, a figure which has been publicly acknowledged by the Taliban. [3] We can also note the increased production and refinement of poppy seed in Tajikistan, Kirgyzstan and Kazakhstan. [4] Hitherto, the drug, in a semi-refined state, has been shipped from Afghanistan through Pakistan to the West.

Brown heroin powder.

Heroin powder. Muslims are heavily involved with the planting, harvesting, refinement, smuggling, and distribution to Europe of heroin and cannabis.

It was CIA intervention—in support of the Mujahedin who were fighting Soviet oppression in the early 1980s—which was crucial in turning Afghanistan and Pakistan from local suppliers into international ones by providing the necessary political protection and logistical networks. The CIA in co-operation with Pakistan’s Interservices Intelligence supplied arms to the Mujahedin in return for payment in raw opium. It was only after Soviet withdrawal that the US gave serious monies to combat poppy seed production. Pakistan had started the 1980s as a major producer of poppy seed, but government anti-drugs measures have virtually wiped out production (2 metric tonnes) by 1999. [5]

When the Taliban first captured Kandahar in 1994, they announced a total ban on drugs, but this stance was quickly dropped when they realised that narcotics provided an invaluable source of income and, furthermore, that an outright ban would greatly alienate farmers dependent on the crop. So as Taliban control spread, production rose by a massive 25% up to 1997. ‘Abd al-Rasheed, the head of the Taliban’s anti-drugs control force in Kandahar said in May 1997 that while there was a strict ban on hashish, “opium is permissible because it is consumed by kafirs (unbelievers) in the West and not by Muslims or Afghans.” [6]

In the process of institutionalising and guaranteeing income from the drug trade, the Taliban started to levy zakat on poppy cultivation and charge tolls on the transportation of the poppy residue under armed Taliban guard out of the country. [7] An increasing number of drug laboratories were set up in Afghanistan. Even if not much drug profit stays in Afghanistan and Pakistan—only about 9% of the total Western street value—this still added up to about $1.35 billion US dollars in 1999.

Poppy seed, either as a raw crop or in its initially refined form as morphine, has until recently been the major source of income in a war-shattered economy both for farmers and the government. Yet despite this economic dependency, it must still be said: the remark of the Taliban official quoted above was hypocritical and cynical. There is not one standard of upright conduct for Muslims and another for non-Muslims: our religion requires us to behave impeccably with both. And far from Muslims being unaffected by Afghani heroin, Pakistan now has the highest heroin addiction rate in the world. In 1979, Pakistan had no addicts, in 1986, it had 650,000 addicts, three million in 1992, while in 1999, government figures estimate a staggering figure of five million.

Nor is the problem confined to Pakistan. Despite one of the toughest anti-drugs policies in the world, where the death-penalty is given for the possession of a few ounces of heroin, Iran officially had 1.2 million addicts in 1998 (off the record, officials admit to the figure being more like 3 million). By 1998, only 42 % of total heroin production was exported out of South Asia; 58% of opiates were being consumed within the region itself. So heroin addiction is not only a Western problem, but also a deeply Muslim one.

Between 1997-1999, Kabul offered to end poppy seed production—to both the US and the UN—in return for international recognition, which suggests that the Taliban leadership was not serious in the past about ending production but used the whole issue of drug control as a diplomatic lever. [8] Thankfully, the Afghan government seems to have recently changed its public position. In 1999, Amir Mullah Omar Modhammed announced that poppy seed production should be cut by one third. On 28 July 2000, Mullah Omar ordered a complete ban of poppy seed cultivation, and appealed for the assistance of the international community in funding crop replacement schemes. [9] The official figures for 2000 showed a reduction of 28% on 1999, but this was mostly attributable to the terrible drought the country suffered during that period. [10] It has now been confirmed by outside agencies that the Taliban have wiped out the 2001 harvest, as a UNDCP team reported in February that the major growing areas were virtually free of poppies, which was corroborated by the US Drug Enforcement Agency in May. Despite the DEA’s prognosis that the ban will hit farmers hard, the US has pushed for continued UN sanctions because of its campaign to bring Osama bin Laden to trial. [10a]

After being put into its morphine base, either in Pakistan or Central Asia (and previously in Afghanistan), the drug is transported to Turkish laboratories, where it is further refined into heroin. About 80% of Europe’s supply is refined into heroin proper in Turkey, although the Turks are facing increased competition from the Russian Mafia in second-stage refinement and smuggling into Europe (via Eastern Europe and the Baltic). As with Morocco, the Turkish civil and military secret services are heavily involved with the drug trade. This complicity was highlighted by a car-crash in November 1996 involving four people: an extreme right-wing criminal on the run, a high-ranking policeman, a beauty queen, and the only survivor, a parliamentarian of ex-Prime Minister Ciller’s party. About 75% of Europe’s heroin is transported from Turkey in small quantities overland via the Balkan route, which is impossible to police effectively because of the high volume of traffic. [11] Once in Europe, a lot of the heroin is then distributed by significant numbers of European Turks among others, and it is then sold on to the dealers, who sell smaller quantities to users on the street.

Islamic Ruling on Drugs (non-alcoholic Intoxicants)

Ibn ‘Umar (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Every intoxicant (muskir) is wine (khamr) and every intoxicant is forbidden. He who drinks wine in this world and dies while he is addicted to it, not having repented, will not be given a drink in the Hereafter.” [12] This hadith is one of the primary texts that prove the prohibition of anything that intoxicates like wine. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh), considered to be among the foremost legal authorities of the entire late Shafi‘i legal school, has classified the consumption of hashish (hashisha) and opium (afyun) as an enormity or a major sin. [13] Imam al-Dhahabi (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) defined an enormity as “any sin entailing either a threat of punishment in the hereafter explicitly mentioned in the Qur’an and Hadith, a prescribed legal penalty or being accursed by Allah and His Messenger (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).” [14]

Among those classical authorities who wrote of the prohibition of hashish were Imam Zarakhshi, Ibn Taymiyya, al-Qirafi, Abu Ishaq al-Shirazi and Imam Nawawi (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayhim). In short, the four legal schools agree that all intoxicants are unlawful, and they include plants that intoxicate under this category of prohibited substances. [15]

There is a misconception among Muslim users that although drugs are unlawful, smoking hashish is not so serious. Or they say that at least we don’t drink! They seem to divide drugs into hard and soft drugs: a division that is quite baseless according to Divine law. All drugs are Class A according to our religion.

British Muslims and the Drug Trade

The drug trade in Britain is breaking and shattering young Muslim lives. But to our great shame, we are not only talking about the many Muslim victims of drug use, but the fact that British Muslims are also heavily involved in street level drugs pushing. From the late 1980s onwards, according to Maqsood Ahmed, it appears that Asians replaced Afro-Caribbeans as the main drug pushers on the streets. [16]

However, Maqsood Ahmed says that it is only the small-time Asian street pushers, not the major suppliers, who are being caught and incarcerated. A retired lawyer, Gavin McFarlane, who once worked in the office of the Solicitor for Customs and Excise, confirms the view that the ‘Mr Bigs’ of drug crime are usually never caught. [17]

I am not suggesting that drugs are the only issue relating to crime, but because of the nature of addiction, drugs can do more to destroy the moral will and the social fabric of the Muslim community than any other type of crime. It appears that drug use among Muslim youth matches national levels: we have no more ‘moral immunity’ from drugs than anyone else.

Tower Hamlets in East London

Tower Hamlets in East London

It is instructive to look at the example of NAFAS, a Muslim-run outreach, educational and rehabilitation programme, based in Tower Hamlets in East London, which aims to target drug use among Bangladeshi youth. One NAFAS activist, Abdur Rahman, has worked among Muslims in the area of drugs, crime and mental health issues for the last ten years. I interviewed him in order to get a real sense of what is happening on the street. [18]

In his experience, among the Muslim community it is mainly Pakistani and Bangladeshi youth that become involved with drugs, but it affects all the various ethnic Muslim groups. Commonly, the parents of these young men neglected their religious training, and instead left matters in the hands of the madrasas. Their experience in the madrasa has been of rote learning without any understanding, an experience that has left them bored and alienated not only from the madrasa but also from religion itself. Frustrated imams throw the more disruptive kids out of the madrasas onto the streets. Clubbing together in gangs of around 20-30, these young men are listless and bored. The result has very often been the emergence of gang violence and turf wars.

By far the most commonly used drugs are hashish and then alcohol. Heroin is used much less. Most that smoke ‘weed’ (as hashish is known in street slang) will not touch heroin, which is seen as a dirty drug. But the picture is complex, because 90% of those who do use heroin say that their first drug was hashish. Those Muslim youth that do use heroin do not use needles because they see it as a dirty practice. Habitually, those who take heroin also use crack cocaine. According to local police figures for the Borough of Tower Hamlets, 50% of drug offenders referred to drugs agencies are young Bangladeshi men. Of these, 90% are under twenty-five and more than 60% have never received any help to get off drugs. It was in part this last statistic that brought about the founding of NAFAS.

There are no figures for young women, but the word on the street is that hashish use is increasing among them as well. Normally such women smoke hashish in the home. Abdur Rahman says that taboos are breaking down. It is becoming more common to see hashish being smoked and alcohol being drunk in the street.

What are the attitudes of these young men to religion? There are some that mock religion openly. “Islam is drab and boring,” they say, “it is only about things you are not allowed to do. There is no fun and laughter. We are young and now is the time for enjoyment.”

Others, who have a stronger sense of being Muslim, say they want to practice but argue that the bad environment discourages them. Abdur Rahman says it is easier to reach those who have some religious feeling in them, and that these boys can point to examples where someone they know has come off drugs and has started practising Islam.

There is a real internal problem facing this community and it will not go away if we are merely content to highlight problems within the British criminal justice system, schooling and welfare. However necessary, this critique of the system is only part of the answer. To make myself absolutely clear, I am stressing the fact that the crucial element in any response is moral and religious guidance, which, of course, only the community can provide. This is not just a problem of young Muslim men who have lost their way, but a failure of the whole community to bring them up with Islamic values. We have neglected their spiritual training (tarbiya) and failed to teach them how to live in this world in accordance with the pleasure of Allah (akhlaqiyyat) in a way that makes sense to them. We have even ignored their secular education; so that on the streets of despair turning to drugs seems the best way to make a quick buck or to escape from the pressures of racism, Islamophobia and unemployment.

What we all need in front of us, young and old, is a clear picture of what being a real man in Islam means as opposed to being a fake one. Guidance comes with our comprehension of what religion expects us to do for ourselves, and for others, for the pleasure of Allah Most High. The rest of this essay is devoted to outlining the nature of negative and positive masculinity.

Negative masculinity

Negative masculinity can take the form of crime, or trying to be "hard".

Negative Masculinity

Misguided strength: Negative masculinity occurs when a youth misuses his natural qualities of enthusiasm, strength and bravery to satisfy his own desires. He becomes selfish, ignores the rights of others and ends up disobedient to his Lord. He thinks it is cool to follow the lifestyles of the street, and at the rough end this means getting involved in crime. What is even worse, as one young brother said to me recently, is that as corrupt lifestyles become widespread among Muslim youth, it is becomes harder for younger teenagers to see the straight path. There has been a real break down in moral values: besides drugs and crime, drinking and pre-marital sex are no longer taboo among the wildest elements. The negative role models closest to hand now come from within our own community.

Arrogance: Negative masculinity is about showing off, about trying to be ‘hard’, and about using physical strength to humiliate others. The fake man thinks strength should be used to dominate others so that he gets ‘nuff respect’ from his peers and enemies out of a sense of fear. But this is not how true respect is earned: it is really about acting like a loud-mouthed and proud fool. The youthful bully fights to remain leader of his ‘posse’ and, likewise, strives to dominate other street gangs: both perversions are achieved by instilling fear.

Yet Islam teaches us that the strong should defend the weak not oppress them.

Image and vanity: Negative masculinity is about the obsession to have the right ‘look’: the designer clothes, the most up-to-date mobile phone, the latest trainers, and the flashiest car. But how we appear to others is absolutely immaterial: Allah, who is perfectly Just and All Aware, will judge us by our hearts not our appearance on the Day of Reckoning. Pretending to be someone we are not is only a sign of spiritual emptiness. All this street gear costs a great deal of money: cash that is wasted when it could be used to help the weak and unfortunate. The Muslim community is the poorest in the country, and it can ill afford to waste money on such vain extravagance. Such materialistic excess is showing off for the sake of worldly honour, when the world, in the eyes of our beloved Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was worth less than the rotting flesh of a dead goat. [19]

But a real man doesn’t need to show off. He knows himself and remains humble and thankful to Allah Most Generous for whatever qualities He has given him.

Frivolousness: Negative masculinity is about wasting time and playing around like a child when the corrupted youth already has the strength and intelligence of an adult. He looks out for himself first, neither respecting the wishes of his parents nor serving them, and ignoring the needs of others around him. Many of the criminalised gangs rob and prey on the weakest members of their own community. Instead of being the pride of the community, these lost young men have become its badge of shame.

Material gratification: Negative masculinity is about being a slave to desire. The signs of this slavery are the impulse for instant gratification and the immediate feeling of frustration and anger when desire is not quickly satiated. Servitude to caprice entraps the slave in a cage of restless discontent. Why? Because if we want the latest fashion, one thing can be sure, it will go out of date. Negative masculinity is about being a slave to the capitalist system. The real winners are the moneymen who sell an illusion: the falsehood that people should judge themselves, and judge others, by appearance.

But the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) taught us to be simple, not to pile up worldly things, but to do good deeds and help others. The only style that truly counts, that rises far above the fickle dictates of fashion, is the way of the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).

In short, the problem of negative masculinity is a spiritual one. Abu Talib al-Makki [20] (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh), in his classic work, “Qut al-qulub” (The Sustenance of Hearts), explains the nature of the soul that commands a person to do evil.

“All the [blameworthy] character traits and attributes of the soul derive from two roots: inconstancy (taysh) and covetousness (sharah). Its inconstancy derives from its ignorance, and its covetousness from its eager desire (hirs). In its inconstancy the soul is like a ball on a smooth slope, because of its nature and its situation, it never stops moving. In its eager desire the soul is like a moth that throws itself on the flame of a lamp. It is not satisfied with a small amount of light without throwing itself on the source of the light that holds its destruction. Because of its inconstancy the soul is hurried and lacks self-restraint (sabr). Self-restraint is an attribute of our thinking selves, while inconstancy is the quality…of the [blameworthy] soul. Nothing can overcome inconstancy except self-restraint, for intellect uproots vain and destructive desire. Because of its covetousness, the soul is greedy and eagerly desirous. […] When someone knows the roots of the [blameworthy] soul and its innate dispositions, he will know that he has no power over it without the seeking the help of its Creator and Originator. The servant will not realise his humanity until he governs the animal motivations within himself through knowledge and justice.” [21]

Who is a real man?

Imam al-Qushayri [22] (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) summaries what the nature of positive masculinity is. In Arabic this is called muru’a or manliness. Conceptually, manliness is closely related to futuwwa or chivalry. Imam al-Qushayri says in his famous Risala,

“The root of chivalry is that the servant strive constantly for the sake of others. Chivalry is that you do not see yourself as superior to others. The one who has chivalry is the one who has no enemies. Chivalry is that you be an enemy of your own soul for the sake of your Lord. Chivalry is that you act justly without demanding justice for yourself. Chivalry is [having]… beautiful character.” [23]

The Noble Islamic Youth

In Arabic, fata literally means a handsome and brave youth. In the Quran, in Chapter of the Prophets (60:21), the term fata is used to describe Abraham (‘alayhi s-salam), who had, with characteristic fearlessness, destroyed the idols of his people, and who was about to be thrown into the fire by them. In his commentary on this verse, Imam al-Qushayri (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) says that the noble youth is one who breaks the idol and moreover that the idol of each man is his blameworthy soul that commands to evil (nafs al-amara bi al-su’). [24] Truly Allah Most High only bestows the title fata to those whom He loves. Youth, in this sense, is not a mere social category but a rank of piety.

Following the use of the word in the Holy Book, fata came to mean the ideal, noble and perfect man whose generosity did not end until he had nothing left for himself. A man who would give all that he had, including his life, for the sake of his friends. Futuwwa has a distinct sense for it means the way of fata or noble manliness, and the remainder of the essay concentrates on outlining these noble precepts.

The way to attain these qualities, to become a true man, is to kill the blameworthy soul, which can also be called our selfish impulses, or ego. The first thing is to learn is not to love the blameworthy soul, but instead to love others more than oneself and to love our Exalted Creator most of all. It is only after struggling to kill the ego that the trials of spiritual struggle, like those of our father Abraham (‘alayhi s-salam) in the fire, become ‘refreshment and peace’ (bardan wa salam). (21:69)

The Chivalry of the Companions

We find many examples of noble manliness among the Companions: the loyalty of Abu Bakr, the justice of ‘Umar, the reserve and modesty of ‘Uthman, and the bravery of ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhum). Yet for all their greatness, those men still only partially reflected that supreme example of true manliness, the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). It was their life’s work to emulate him, like it is ours today. As the first young man to embrace Islam, it was ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu), the last of the Rightly-Guided Caliphs, the cousin and son-in-law of our noble Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and the Lion of Allah, who came to represent the supreme example of youthful manly perfection. Known for his selflessness, courage, generosity, loyalty, wisdom and honour, he was the invincible warrior of his day. His nobility on the battlefield shines forth like a bright lamp of guidance for us today.

Arab warrior

It was not Ali's strength that made him great (raa), but his chivalry and purity of intention.

In one battle, ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) had overpowered an enemy warrior and had his dagger at the man’s throat when the man spat in his face. Immediately Imam ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) got up, sheathed his dagger, and told the man, “Taking your life is unlawful to me. Go away.” The man was amazed, “O ‘Ali,” he asked, “I was helpless, you were about to kill me, I insulted you and you released me. Why?” “When you spat in my face,” our master ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) answered, “it aroused the anger of my ego. Had I killed you then it would not have been for the sake of Allah, but for the sake of my ego. I would have been a murderer. You are free to go.” In the end the enemy refused Ali’s offer of mercy and attacked him again, even injuring him, and Ali (raa) killed him in self defense. That does not lesson the deep chivalry and pure intention for the sake of Allah that Ali (raa) displayed in battle.

In another of his battles against the unfaithful, our master ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) encountered a handsome young warrior who moved to attack him. His heart was full of pity and compassion for the misguided youth. He cried out, “O young man, do you not know who I am? I am ‘Ali the invincible. No one can escape from my sword. Go, and save yourself!” The young man continued toward him, sword in hand. “Why do you wish to attack me? Why do you wish to die?” ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) asked. The man answered, “I love a girl who vowed she would be mine if I killed you.” “But what if you die?” ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) asked again. “What is better than dying for the one I love?” he countered. “At worst, would I not be relieved of the agonies of love?” Hearing this response, ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) dropped his sword, took off his helmet, and stretched out his neck like a sacrificial lamb. Confronted by such nobility, the love in the young man’s heart was transformed into love for the great ‘Ali (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) and for the One Most Exalted Whom ‘Ali loved.

The Code of Chivalry

In later centuries, a code was drawn up embodying the principles of futuwwa—brotherhood, loyalty, love and honour—that produced a class of spiritual Muslim warriors who protected the boundaries of the Islamic empire. The first caliph to create an order of noble Muslim knights was al-Nasir al-Din (reigned 576-622/1180-1225). They wore a distinctive uniform and were formally linked to the Sufi orders. In Asia Minor for instance, these Muslim knights lived in borderland lodges under the supervision and guidance of a spiritual guide (shaykh al-tasawwuf). It is reported they were hospitable to travellers and ruthless towards any unjust ruler who oppressed the people. The essence of this noble code is timelessly pertinent to us today: it calls us to subdue our egos and fight against injustice.

The code of noble manliness elaborated by the great Imam Sulami (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) in his Kitab al-Futuwwa is offered in a truncated form here. Readers are strongly advised to consult the original work for themselves. [25] Futuwwa is that a young man adheres to the following code:

· THAT HE BRINGS JOY TO THE LIVES OF FRIENDS AND MEETS THEIR NEEDS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “When one brings joy with his words into the life of a believer or satisfies his worldly needs, whether small or large, it becomes an obligation upon Allah to offer him a servant on the Day of Judgement.”

· THAT HE RESPONDS TO CRUELTY WITH KINDNESS, AND DOES NOT PUNISH AN ERROR. When a Companion (radiya’Llahu ‘anhu) asked if he should refuse to help a friend who had refused to help him before, the Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said no.

· THAT HE DOES NOT FIND FAULT WITH HIS FRIENDS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “if you start seeking faults in Muslims, you will cause dissent among them or you will at least start dissension.” Dhu al-Nun al-Misri [26] (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) said, “Whoever looks at the faults of others is blind to his own faults. Whoever looks for his own faults cannot see the faults of others.”

· THAT HE IS RELAXED AND OPENHEARTED WITH HIS BROTHERS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The believer is the one with whom one can be close. The one who is not close and to whom one cannot be close is of no use. The good among men are those from whom others profit.”

· THAT HE IS GENEROUS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Paradise is the home of the generous.”

· THAT HE KEEPS UP OLD FRIENDSHIPS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Allah approves the keeping of old friendships.”

· THAT HE LOOKS AFTER HIS FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOURS. Ibn Zubayr [27] (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) said, “Someone who eats while his next-door neighbour is hungry is not a believer.”

· THAT HE IS LENIENT WITH HIS FRIENDS EXCEPT IN MATTERS OF RELIGION. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The first sign of intelligence is to believe in Allah. The next is to be lenient with people in affairs other than the abandoning of Truth.”

· THAT HE INVITES GUESTS, OFFERS FOOD AND IS HOSPITABLE. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “How awful is a society that does not accept guests.”

· THAT HE RESPECTS HIS FRIENDS AND SHOWS HIS RESPECT FOR THEM. A man entered the mosque and the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) stood up for him out of respect. He protested and the Prophet replied that to be paid respect is the right of the believer.

· THAT HE IS TRUTHFUL. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Say that you believe in Allah, then always be truthful.”

· THAT HE IS SATISFIED WITH LITTLE FOR HIMSELF AND WISHES MUCH FOR OTHERS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The best of my people will enter Paradise not because of their achievements, but because of the Mercy of Allah and their quality of being satisfied with little for themselves and their extreme generosity toward others.”

· THAT SUCH YOUNG BROTHERS LOVE EACH OTHER AND SPEND TIME WITH ONE ANOTHER. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said that Allah Most High said, “The ones who love each other for My sake deserve My love; the ones who give what comes to them in abundance deserve My love. The ones who frequent and visit each other for My sake deserve My love.”

· THAT HE KEEPS HIS WORD AND WHAT IS ENTRUSTED TO HIM. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “If you have these four things, it does not matter even if you lose everything else in this world: protect what is entrusted to you, tell the truth, have a noble character, and earn your income lawfully.”

· THAT HE UNDERSTANDS THAT WHAT HE TRULY KEEPS IS WHAT HE GIVES AWAY. ‘A’isha [28] (radiya’Llahu ‘anha) recounted that someone had presented the gift of a lamb to the Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). He distributed the meat. ‘A’isha (radiya’Llahu ‘anha) said, “Only the neck is left for us.” The Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) replied, “No, all of it is left for us except the neck.”

· THAT HE SHARES IN THE JOY OF HIS BROTHERS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “If a person who is fasting joins his brothers and they ask him to break his fast, he should break it.” This refers to a non-obligatory fast, not the fasts of Ramadan.

· THAT HE IS JOYFUL AND KIND WITH HIS BROTHERS. One of the many signs of the kindness and love the Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had for his people was that he joked with them so they would not stay away from him out of awe. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said “Allah hates those who make disagreeable and sad faces at their friends.”

· THAT HE THINKS LITTLE OF HIMSELF OR HIS GOOD DEEDS. The Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was once asked, “What thing most attracts the anger of Allah?” He replied, “When one considers himself and his actions highly, and worse still, expects a return for his good deeds.”

· THAT HE TREATS PEOPLE AS HE WOULD WISH TO BE TREATED. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “As you wish people to come to you, go to them.”

· THAT HE CONCERNS HIMSELF WITH HIS OWN AFFAIRS. The Messenger of Allah (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “One of the signs of a good Muslim is that he leaves alone everything that does not concern him.”

· THAT HE SEEKS THE COMPANY OF THE GOOD AND AVOIDS THE COMPANY OF THE BAD. Yahya ibn Mu‘adh al-Razi [29] (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) said, “On the day when the trumpet is sounded, you will see how evil friends will run from each other and how good friends will turn toward each other. Allah Most High says, ‘On that day, except for the true believers, friends will be enemies.’”

Sun rays through tall trees

A real man brings joy to the lives of family and friends

Allah Most High says, “Surely they were noble youths (fityan) who believed in their Lord, and We advanced them in guidance.” (18:13) Imam al-Sulami (rahmatu’Llahi ‘alayh) comments, “they were given abundant guidance and climbed to His proximity because they believed in their Lord only for their Lord’s sake, and said, ‘Our Lord is the Lord of Heaven and Earth. Never shall we call upon other than Him.’” (18:14) The Imam continues, “Allah dressed them in His own clothes, and He took them in His high protection and turned them in the direction of His beauties and said, ‘And We turned them about to the right and to the left’.” (18:18). The Imam concludes, “Those who enter the path of futuwwa are under Allah’s direction and protection.” [30]

Khwaja ‘Abd Allah al-Ansari [31] (rahmatu Llahi ‘alayh) outlines the three degrees of perfection in futuwwa in his classic work, Manazil al-sa’irin (The Stations of the Wayfarers). “Allah Most High says, ‘They are chivalrous youths who have faith in their Lord, and We increased them in guidance.’ (18:13) The subtle point in chivalry is that you witness nothing extra for yourself and you see yourself as not having any rights.

The first degree is to abandon quarrelling, to overlook slips, and to forget wrongs.

The second degree is that you seek nearness to the one that goes far from you, honour the one who wrongs you, and find excuses for the one who offends you. You do this by being generous, by not holding yourself back, by letting go, not by enduring patiently.

The third degree is that in travelling the path you do not depend upon any proofs, you do not stain your response [to Allah] with [any thought of] recompense, and you do not stop at any designation in your witnessing.” [32] May Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, bless us, and make us true men, men of nobility and generosity.

The Way Forward

There are no easy solutions, and it is important to remember that Islam condemns those who feel it is enough to recriminate, but not to call towards the truth or to work to change a bad situation. The point is that we all have to pull together, and face up our individual and collective responsibility. It is not just a question of the youth seeing if they measure up to the ideals of positive masculinity, but for all of us to strive to embody the example of the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). It is a duty upon all parents and community leaders to deal wisely with our young men when they fall from the Straight Path, and not to cut them off out of self-righteous disdain or, even worse, indifference.

Imam Ghazali [33] (rahmatu Llahi ‘alayh) reminds us that it was the way of Companions like Abu Darda’ [34] (radiya Llahu ‘anhu) to forgive the mistakes and flaws of his brother. How much more does this apply to our sons? All should feel that your son is my son. The bond of religious brotherhood is like the bond of family. If someone has made a mistake in his religion by committing an act of disobedience, one must be gentle in counselling him towards repentance and starting again. If someone persists in disobedience, Abu Darda’ (radiya Llahu ‘anhu) advised us not to cut him or her off. “For sometimes”, he said, “your brother will be crooked and sometimes straight.” The great saint Ibrahim al-Nakha’i [35] (rahmatu Llahi ‘alayh) said, “Beware of the mistake of the learned. Do not cut him off, but await his return [that is, to the straight path].”

Imam al-Ghazali (rahmatu Llahi ‘alayh) argues that this advice holds even the major sins: we need not cut someone off. It was revealed to the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) concerning his kinsfolk that “if they disobey you, say, ‘I am quit of what you do’.” (26.216) Abu Darda (radiya Llahu ‘anhu) referred to this verse when he was asked, “Do you not hate your brother when he has done such and such?” to which he replied, “I only hate what he has done, otherwise he is my brother.” [36] It is not proper to break with the disobedient, but to try and remind them of their duty to Allah Most High and to His creatures.

So any pragmatic measures should be undertaken in this spirit of understanding and patience, because at the heart of any solution is building trust between alienated youths and the community. It is easy enough to make these seven suggestions, but it will take a lot of sincere effort make them a reality by the permission of the All Merciful.

1. Crack down on drug production: To lobby the Moroccan and Turkish governments directly and indirectly to crack down on drug production and refinement in their respective countries. The fact that the European Union has systematically ignored the complicit involvement of both the Moroccan and Turkish governments in the export of drugs to Europe because of their NATO membership should be made an issue. With regard to Afghanistan, the European Union has recently admitted that it has no political influence there at all, which—in and of itself—is not likely to be a matter of great concern for Muslims. [37] Yet it does mean that European Muslims have to pressurise the EU to work to drop UN sanctions against Afghanistan, and to push for economic assistance to the country, so that viable and sustainable alternatives can be found for farmers in the wake of the enforced ban of 2001.

2. Admit the problem: To discuss openly the problems of criminality and drug dealing and use within the community with a view to understanding the nature of the problem, and coming up with ways to solve it. For instance, research is already being carried out by the community welfare organisation, Khidmat, in Luton, which is undertaking research to understand the nature and scale of drug use in the Asian community. [38]

3. Imams who can relate to the youth: To appoint English-speaking imams as a matter of priority, and to conduct as many programmes as possible in English and which deal directly with issues facing young Muslims today. Imams should be properly paid, and they should also be expected to take up pastoral youth work outside of the mosque. It is a crime that many of young scholars who have graduated from seminaries based in Britain have not been able to find employment as imams. Their knowledge and training is being wasted. Most ‘imported’ imams are frankly not able to understand or reach out to young Muslims.

4. Relevant Islamic education: To create vibrant and relevant madrasas in our mosques with a full and relevant curriculum up to at least the age of 16 by forging a strong partnership between the ‘ulama’, the mosque committee and the community. There are already many examples of good practice in this area, especially in the Midlands and the North.

5. Sports facilities for the youth: To build Muslim-run youth and sports facilities as a badly needed alternative to the street. Where appropriate, such facilities should be incorporated into the mosque-complex. It is important that second generation parents, those who are now in their mid-thirties, get involved with making the mosques more accessible to the youth. If the mosque committees refuse to be co-operative, then it is necessary to work outside of them as the situation has already reached crisis proportions.

6. Drug rehab for Muslims: To set up drug rehabilitation schemes run by Muslim workers in the major urban areas along the lines of NAFAS in Tower Hamlets in East London and others.

7. Lobby for our communities: In general terms, to lobby local and central government to put extra funds into helping our community that has the highest unemployment (over 40% for our youth), the poorest educational record, the highest poverty and the highest crime rates. It would be preferable if funds, which are readily available, are channelled through Muslim voluntary organisations. As a community as a whole, we have to be prepared to drop theological and legal differences inherited from the Sub-Continent to work together for the common good.

I end with supplicating our Creator, the All-Merciful that He save our misguided youth from further calamity and turn their hearts and ours towards repentance, that He give us forbearance and wisdom in tackling this problem, and that He may, in His infinite compassion, unite our hearts so that we may work together to solve these many problems. Glory be to our Lord, the Lord of Honour, Exalted above what they ascribe, and peace be upon those who were sent. And all praise is due to the Lord of the worlds. Amin.


Footnotes

[1] Faisal Bodi, ‘Muslim Advisor only one piece in a bigger jigsaw’, Q-News, 311, September 1999, pp. 14-15.

[2] Maqsood Ahmed, interview, 20/06/00.

[3] UN Economic and Social Research Council, World Situation with regard to illicit drug trafficking, p. 6. The Taliban’s Roaving Ambassador, Sayyid Rahmatullah Hashmi, accepted this figure during a lecture given at the University of South Carolina in 2001. This information was taken from a transcript of his talk.

[4] Strategic Studies 1997/8, p. 250; Strategic Studies 1998/9, p. 276.

[5] The authoritative study of CIA involvement in the heroin drugs trade in both Burma and Afghanistan is Alfred McCoy’s, The Politics of Heroin: CIA Complicity in the Global Drug Trade (New York: Lawrence Hill Books, 1991), cited in Boekhout van Solinge, p. 103. It appears that the CIA even worked against United States officials from the Drugs Enforcement Agency during the 1980s, who wanted to stop the creation of a new international drug player.

[6] Ahmed Rashid, Taliban, p. 118.

[7] Ahmed Rashid, ‘Dangerous Liaisons’, p. 28.

[8] An agreement struck in October 1997 between the United Nations Drugs Control Programme (UNDCP) and the Taliban offering potentially $25 million US dollars for a ten-year crop-replacement scheme was allowed to lapse after UN agencies were asked to withdraw in 1998. For further details, see Rashid, Taliban, pp. 123-124.

[9] See Omar Modhammed, ‘Message of the Amir-ul-Mumineen on the occasion of the International Anti-Narcotics Day’, The Islamic Emirate (Kandahar), July 2000, no. 1, p. 1, and ‘Taleban calls for total poppy ban in Afghanistan’, The News International (Jang), 30/7/00, p. 9.

[10] UNDCP Press Release, ‘Afghan Opium Cultivation in 2000 Substantially Unchanged’, UNIS/NAR/696, 15 September 2000. A recent UNDCP-sponsored crop-replacement scheme in Kandahar province has reduced production by 50% in three districts.

[10a] Kathy Ganon, ‘Taliban virtually wipes out Afghanistan’s opium crop’, The Nando Times, 15 February, [www.nandotimes.com]; Barbara Crossette, ‘Taliban’s Ban on Growing Opium Poppies Is Called a Success’, New York Times [Internet edition], 20 May 2001. Given US support of these crippling sanctions, Colin Powell’s release of $43 millions (as of May 2001) in emergency funds for the drought in Afghanistan looks like a token gesture.

[11] Every year, 1.5 million lorries, 250,000 coaches and four million cars use the Balkans route between Asia and Europe. It takes hours, even a whole day, to search an articulated lorry effectively for drugs. The impossibility of stopping the smuggling of heroin into Europe might be noted by the fact that while the amount of heroin seized has gone up, street prices have gone down.

[12] This hadith is reported in all the Sahih Sitta (the Sound Six), Ahmad, Malik and Darimi.

[13] Al-Misri, Reliance, p. 976. Imam Ibn Hajar al-Haytami (d. 974/1567) was the foremost Shafi‘i Imam of his age, who authored major works in jurisprudence, Hadith, tenets of faith, education, Hadith commentary and formal legal opinion. He is recognised by Hanafi scholars, like Imam Ibn ‘Abidin, as a source of authoritative legal texts valid in their own school. (R) I have relied on The Reliance and on T. J. Winter’s biographical appendices in his translations of al-Ghazali. Each note will end with a short reference to these works: (R) or (W) respectively. Other references will name the author’s name in brackets.

[14] Al-Misri, Reliance, p. 652. Imam al-Dhahabi (d. 748/1348) was a great Hadith master (Hafiz) and historian of Islam. He authored over 100 works, some of which were of great length, for instance, Siyar a‘lam al-nubala’ (The Lives of Noble Figures), ran to 23 volumes. (R)

[15] For further detail on classical scholarly authorities see Anon. [Student of Darul-Uloom Bury], Islam and Drugs (Bury, UK: Subulas Salam, n.d.).

[16] Although Abdur Rahman disputes as stereotypical the assertion that young Asians became the main street-dealers in recent times, see below for brief profile of this experienced drug worker.

[17] Gavin McFarlane, ‘Regulating European drug problems’, pp. 1075-1076. He also notes that the drug trade is organised like a mainstream business with three main categories. First, there is the planner or organiser who is like the entrepreneur who puts up the capital. Second, there is the trusted assistant or middle manager that runs the operation. Third, there is the operative at the bottom end that knows little about the whole organisation: these are the dealers who carry the goods, bear the most risk of being caught, and who earn only a fraction of the profit. Also known as ‘camels’, it is they who are most likely to be caught by the police. There is even a level above the capital investor: that of the political overlord, who is either autonomous from the state, or acting on behalf of a complicit state.

[18] Abdur Rahman, interview, 22/6/00

[19] Jabir related to us that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) once passed by a dead and ear-cropped young goat whose carcass was lying in the road, He enquired from those who were with him at the time, “Will any of you like to buy this dead kid for a dirham?” “We will not buy it at any price,” they replied. The Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) then said, “I swear in the name of Allah that in His sight this world is as hateful and worthless as the dead kid is in your sight.” Related by Muslim, and cited in Nomani, Meaning and Message of the Traditions, I: pp. 234-235.

[20] Abu Talib al-Makki (d. after 520/1126) was the author of the Qut al-qulub, the first comprehensive manual of how to tread the Sufi path, which was the direct inspiration for Imam Ghazali’s classic work, the Ihya’ ‘ulum al-din. He was a preacher, ascetic and scholar of the Sacred Law. (R)

[21] Cited in Murata, The Tao of Islam, pp. 271-272.

[22] Imam Abu al-Qasim al-Qushayri (d. 465/1072) was the author of one of the most widely read and respected works on the teachings of tasawwuf and the biography of the saints, the Risalat al-Qushayriyya. He also wrote a commentary on the Qur’an as well as some works pertaining to theology (kalam). (R, also Murata)

[23] Cited in Murata, The Tao of Islam, p. 267.

[24] Imam al-Qushayri, Principles of Sufism, p. 215.

[25] All chains of narration for the Prophetic reports in the Kitab al-Futuwwa go from Imam al-Sulami (d. 412/1021) back to the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) himself, and are recorded in the index at the back of the English translation. Imam al-Sulami was a Shafi‘i scholar and one of the foremost historians and shaykhs of the Sufis. He authored several important works on Sufism, including a commentary on the Qur’an, and the Tabaqat al-Sufiyya, one of the most famous works on the lives of the Sufis. (R, also Murata)

[26] Dhu al-Nun al-Misri (d. 245/859) was one of the greatest of the early Sufis. He was Nubian in origin and had a great gift for expressive aphorisms, a large number of which have fortunately been preserved. He was the first in Egypt to speak about the states and spiritual stations of the way. (R)

[27] ‘Abd Allah ibn al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (d. 73/692) was the son of a famous Companion of the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who led a major revolt against the Umayyad caliph Yazid I following the death of the Prophet’s grandson, al-Husayn. He was widely recognised as caliph before his revolt was crushed. (W)

[28] ‘A’isha (d. 58/678) was the third wife of the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and Mother of the Faithful. She was the most knowledgeable of Muslim women in Sacred Law, religion, and Islamic behaviour, having married the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) in the second year after the Migration, becoming the dearest of his wives in Medina. She related 2, 210 hadiths from the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and was asked for formal legal opinions by the Companions. (R)

[29] Yahya ibn Mu‘adh al-Razi (d. 258/871-2) was a great Sufi of Central Asia. As one of the first to teach Sufism in the mosques, he left a number of books and sayings. He was renowned for his steadfastness in worship and his great scrupulousness in matters of religion. (W)

[30] The Way of Sufi Chivalry, p.36.

[31] Khwaja ‘Abd Allah al-Ansari (d. 481/1088) was a great Persian Sufi and scholar. His most famous work is his Munajat (Intimate Entreaties), written in rhymed Persian prose. His description of the spiritual stations, Manazil al-sa’irin (The Stations of the Wayfarers), in Arabic, was one of the most influential ever written on this subject. (Murata)

[32] Cited in Murata, The Tao of Islam, pp. 267-268, with minor modifications to the translation.

[33] Regarded by the consensus of the scholars as the reviver (mujaddid) of the fifth century of the hijra, Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad al-Ghazali’s (d. 505/1111) most famous work was the Ihya’ ‘ulum al-din (The Revivification of the Religious Sciences), which brought out the inner meaning of Islam practices and ethical ideals.

[34] Abu Darda’ (d. 32/652), one of the Medinan Helpers and a Companion of the Prophet (salla’Llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), was noted for his piety, his wisdom in giving legal judgements, his horsemanship, and his bravery on the battlefield. Before embracing Islam, he gave up commerce to occupy himself with worship. He is particularly esteemed by the Sufis. (W, R)

[35] Ibrahim al-Nakha’i ibn Yazid (d. 96/ 714-5) was one of the great scholarly Successors of Kufa, who was taught by Hasan al-Basri and Anas ibn Malik, and who in turn taught Imam Abu Hanifa.

[36] The various quotes on the subject of brotherly duties are from al-Ghazali, On the Duties of Brotherhood, pp. 60-65, which is one of the forty books that comprise the content of the Ihya’ (see footnote 33).

[37] ‘Drugs problems caused by Afghanistan and Pakistan’, Official Journal of the European Communities, 41 (1998), C178-C209 (98/C 196/112): 81-82.

[38] Faisal Bodi, ‘Crime: an everyday reality in Luton’, Q-News, 311, September 1999, p. 12.

Interviews

Maqsood Ahmed (Muslim Advisor to the Prison Service), 20/06/00.

Abdur Rahman (NAFAS, Tower Hamlets), 22/06/00.

Bibliography

Anon. [Student of Darul-Uloom Bury], Islam and Drugs (Bury: Subulas Salam, n.d.).

Bodi, Faisal, ‘Crime: an everyday reality in Luton’, Q-News, 311, September 1999, p. 12.

Bodi, Faisal, ‘Muslim Advisor only one piece in a bigger jigsaw’, Q-News, 311, September 1999, pp. 14-15.

Boekhout van Solinge, Tim, ‘Drug Use and Drug Trafficking in Europe’, Tijdschrift voor Economische en Sociale Geografie, 89(1), (1998): 100-105.

Crossette, Barbara, ‘Taliban’s Ban on Growing Opium Poppies Is Called a Success’, New York Times [Internet edition], 20 May 2001.

‘Drug Trafficking Routes in Central Asia’, Strategic Survey 1998/99, p. 276.

‘Drugs problems caused by Afghanistan and Pakistan’, Official Journal of the European Communities, 41 (1998), C178-C209 (98/C 196/112): 81-82.

Ganon, Kathy, ‘Taliban virtually wipes out Afghanistan’s opium crop’, The Nando Times, 15 February 2001, [www.nandotimes.com].

Ghazali, Abu Hamid al-, On Disciplining the Soul & On Breaking the Two Desires, trans. and annotated with an introduction by T. J. Winter (Cambridge: Islamic Texts Society, 1995).

Ghazali, Abu Hamid al-, On the Duties of Brotherhood, trans. by Muhtar Holland (New York: Overlook, 1976).

Ghazali, Abu Hamid al-, The Remembrance of Death and the Afterlife, trans. and annotated with an introduction by T. J. Winter (Cambridge: Islamic Texts Society, 1989).

McFarlane, Gavin, ‘Regulating European drug problems’, New Law Journal, 149(6897), 16 July 1999: 1075-1076.

Misri, Ahmad ibn Naqib al-, The Reliance of the Traveller, rev. edn, trans., ed. and annotated by Nuh Ha Mim Keller (Evanston: Amana, 1994).

Modhammed, Omar, ‘Message of the Amir-ul-Mumineen on the occasion of the International Anti-Narcotics Day’, The Islamic Emirate (Kandahar), July 2000, no. 1, p. 1.

Murata, Sachiko, The Tao of Islam: A Sourcebook on Gender Relationships in Islamic Thought (Albany: State University of New York, 1992).

Nomani, Mohammed Manzoor, Meaning and Message of the Traditions, trans. by Mohammed Asif Kidwai and Shah Ebadur Rahman Nishat, 5 vols (Lucknow: Islamic Research and Publications, 1975-1989), I (1975).

Qushayri, Abu ’l-Qasim al-, Principles of Sufism, trans. by B. R. Von Schlegell (Berkeley, Ca.: Mizan, 1990).

Rashid, Ahmed, ‘Dangerous Liaisons: Drugs are driving politics in Afghanistan and Pakistan’, Far Eastern Economic Review, 161(16), April 16 (1998): 28.

Rashid, Ahmed, Taliban: Islam, Oil and the New Great Game in Central Asia (London: I. B. Tauris, 2000), Ch. 9.

‘Source Countries and trafficking routes: Central Asia and South East Asia’, Strategic Survey 1997/98, p. 250.

Sulami, Ibn al-Husayn al-, The Way of Sufi Chivalry, trans. by Tosun Bayrak al-Jerrahi (Rochester, Vermont: Inner Traditions International, 1991).

‘Taleban calls for total poppy ban in Afghanistan’, The News International (Jang), 30/7/00, p. 9.

UNDCP, ‘Afghan Opium Cultivation in 2000 Substantially Unchanged’, UNIS/NAR/696, 15 September 2000. [press release].

UN Economic and Social Research Council, World Situation with regard to illicit drug trafficking and action taken by the subsidiary bodies of the Commission on Narcotic Drugs (Vienna: UNESRC, 1999), E/CN.7/2000/5

Tagged as: , , , ,

Confessions of an Ex-Feminist: What it Means to Be a Woman

Muslim woman and the shahadah

By Lamya Sadeq
Business Management & Self Development – Egypt

“Am I a woman?”

No, I am not questioning my gender.

What I mean is…

Do I think of myself in that sense? Do I use that word, proudly, when referring to – or even thinking of myself?

Growing up, I was your regular tomboy. I did not play girl games, and I did not own dolls either. I did not wear dresses unless I was dragged to a wedding or a family function. I did not like to let my hair grow long.

Come to think of it, I did not have many girl friends all the way through college.

I did not wear makeup. Umm … I did not own makeup was more like it. I viewed the attempts of some girls to be understanding, cute, feminine, compassionate, and my best-friends to be a true testament to the shallowness of women. I used to pride myself on the fact that I talk like guys, think like they do, and even shop like they do (Go to the mall – Enter only one store – Buy what I need – Get out in less than 30 minutes)

However, as fate would have it, I grew out of it, because I learnt to embrace who I am. It was very strange being aware of the fact that I am now proud to be a woman. Actually I am thankful to be a woman. Wait… I am thrilled to be a woman.

I learnt that being a woman does not mean that I have to talk too much, wear makeup, alienate myself from my beliefs and causes or ‘Oooh’ and ‘Ahh’ over every passing baby (I mean, really… Leave the babies and their mothers alone for God’s sake!!!!)

Transformation

I began to realize that I was force-fed an idea of what makes a woman. I realize now, sadly, that pop-culture has had a huge impact on shaping my ideals and notions on many gender-related concepts. I never thought that I would be a poster-image of the magnitude of damage pop-culture (stereotypical, negative, untrue, agenda-based and sexist) can have on one’s life.

Muslim female martial artist Sara Khoshjamal trains for Beijing Olympics

Muslim female martial artist Sara Khoshjamal trains for Beijing Olympics

I was blown away by the recognition that I let myself be manipulated into becoming ashamed of who I was. I kid you not!!!!! I was furious and shocked at how much I have missed out on.

So, I did what I thought was the only right thing to do in light of the circumstances; I went back to my most trusted reference, my belief system.

- What do I know of how Allah (SWT) views women?

- How did Allah (SWT) refer to us in the Qur’an?

- Were we viewed as shallow beings?

- Were we viewed as objects of enjoyment?

- Were we viewed merely as mothers or wives?

Answers to those questions have filled volumes of books. I will not attempt to further educate myself or you (who I am sure are all more knowledgeable than yours truly) on the empowerment of women in Islam.

“I’ve been a woman for a little over 50 years and I have gotten over my initial astonishment. As for conducting an orchestra, that’s a job where I don’t think sex (gender) plays much part.” – Nadia Boulanger, conductor.

“I have seen too much not to know that the impression of a woman may be more valuable than the conclusion of an analytical reasoner.” – Sir, Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

“O mankind, We have created you a male and female, and appointed you races and tribes, that you may know one another.” - Quran, Surat al-Hujurat 49:13

__________________________________________________

From IslamOnline.net. Lamya Sadeq is a qualified expert in the field of international business development, and information systems. As well as holding a Masters in Training and Development, Lamya Sadeq runs courses and workshops in aspects of Islamic self development and outreach, as well as workshops in business development.

Tagged as: , , , ,

Hugging People of the Opposite Sex

Two children hugging

Date: 13/Nov/2005

Name of Mufti: Ahmad Kutty

Topic: Hugging the Opposite Sex

Name of Questioner: Jewan from the Netherlands

Question: Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. I am a teenager living in the west. I want to know whether things such as hugging fall under the sin of adultery or are they considered major sins. Jazakum Allah khayran.

Answer:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.

Islam has taken a firm and decisive stance againstzina(fornication or adultery). Allah, the Almighty, commands in explicit and unequivocal words: And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way. (Al-Israa’ 17: 32)

Thus, Islam not only prohibits zina, but also closes all the avenues and means leading to it. This is achieved by prohibiting every step and means leading to stimulating desires, opening ways for illicit sexual relations between men and women, and promoting indecency and obscenity.

In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:

Your question shows your eagerness to know Islam’s position on a practice that is so prevalent among the youth today. You should know that, as a young man striving to hold on firmly to your religion, you belong to those who have been given glad tidings by the Messenger of Allah. Once you recognize Allah’s laws for what they are, namely, compassionate devices to save us from the wickedness inherent in our souls and not as burdensome laws, you would be much better prepared to follow them most scrupulously.

The laws of Allah are based on His infinite Mercy and Compassion. They take into account human weaknesses and failings. They are intended to save the largest number of people. These laws recognize the fact that humans are not always governed by their reason and rational mind; rather they are ruled by emotions and personal desire for instant gratifications. Were such emotions and feelings given a free rein, they would cause incalculable destruction to individuals and societies. So Almighty Allah, out of His sheer Compassion and mercy towards us, has prescribed laws that are intended to protect us against our nature.

So instead of merely telling us don’t fornicate, Allah tells us don’t go near fornication, for all humans, given their rational mind, will recognize the fact that fornication entails serious consequences for individuals and societies. No person in his sane, rational mind would think of committing that, but humans cannot control themselves once they are aroused or trapped in a situation where their emotional aspect dominates.

Therefore, Allah has set certain clear boundaries and limits for interaction between males and females. These include prohibition of all sorts of indiscriminate mingling and mixing between them, including hugging, kissing, touching, and flirting, etc. These things are forbidden not because everyone engaging in them will be committing adultery, but because they can all become leads, means, and preliminaries of fornication. Once allowed, they can become a slippery slope. How many have become victims of such activities?

So by trusting in Allah and surrendering to His will, you will enjoy true peace and tranquility. You will protect yourself against the pernicious tendencies of your own soul, and you will belong in the company of those who were given glad tidings by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):

“One of the seven categories of people who shall be accorded the protection in the shade of Allah (on the day of horror and terror) will be a person who brushed off the advances of a lady of status and beauty saying, ‘I fear Allah.’”

Excerpted, with slight modifications, from:www.islam.ca

Tagged as: , , , ,

Looking With Desire at the Opposite Sex

Comic strip eyes

Reprinted from IslamOnline.net, Ask the Scholar

Date: 16/November/2005

Name of Mufti: IOL Shari`ah Researchers

Topic: Relationship between sexes in Islam

Name of Questioner: Mohanad from Eritrea

Question: As-Salamu `alaykum! I hope you could shed light on the issue of looking with desire at the opposite sex. Jazakum Allah khyran.

Answer:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, we commend your eagerness to become well-acquainted with Islam and its teachings, which is the way Allah has chosen for the welfare of His servants.

As for your question, you have to bear in mind the fact that Islam cares for the welfare and honor of people to the extent that it prohibits the mere look at the opposite sex with lust.

In his well-known book, “The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam”, the prominent Muslim scholar, Sheik Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, states:

What Islam prohibits in the sphere of sex includes looking at a member of the opposite sex with desire; for the eye is the key to the feelings, and the look is a messenger of desire, carrying the message of fornication or adultery.

This is why Allah Almighty has commanded the believing men and the believing women alike to lower their gazes together with His command to guard their sexual parts: (Tell the believing men that they should lower their gazes and guard their sexual organs; that is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is well-acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women that they should lower their gazes and guard their sexual organs, and not display their adornment, except that which is apparent of it; and that they should draw their head-coverings over their bosoms, and not display their adornment except to their husbands or their fathers or their husbands’ fathers, or their sons or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers or their brothers’ sons or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or those whom their right hands possess, or male servants who lack sexual desire, or children who are not aware of women’s nakedness; and that they should not strike their feet in order to make known what they hide of their adornment.) (An-Nur 24: 30-31)

Several divine injunctions are contained in these two verses. Two of them pertain to both men and women, namely, the lowering of the gaze and the guarding of the sexual organs, while the rest are addressed exclusively to women.

A difference is to be noted here between the expressions, ‘lower their gazes’ and ‘guard their sexual organs,’ signifying that while the sexual organs must be totally guarded without any leeway, the lowering of the gaze is only partial, because necessity and the general interest of the people require that some looking at members of the opposite sex be allowed.

‘Lowering the gazes’ does not mean that in the presence of the opposite sex the eyes should be shut or that the head should be bowed toward the ground, since this would be impossible; in another place the Qur’an says, ‘Lower your voice‘ (Luqman 31: 19), which does not mean sealing the lips. Here, ‘lowering of the gazes’ means to avert one’s gaze from the faces of the passers-by and not to caress the attractive features of the members of the opposite sex with one’s eyes. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told `All ibn Abi Talib, ‘Ali, do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second.’ (Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and at-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) considered hungry and lustful looks at a person of the opposite sex as ‘the zina (adultery or fornication) of the eye,’ according to his saying, ‘The eyes also commit zina, and their zina is the lustful look.” (Reported by al-Bukhari)

He termed the lustful look zina because it gives sexual pleasure and gratification in an unlawful way. This is also what Jesus (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said in the Gospel of Matthew: You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’. But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:2728)

Indeed, such hungry and lustful looks are not merely a danger to chastity but they also result in agitation of the mind and disturbed thoughts.

Tagged as: , , , ,

Spreading Bedroom Secrets

Cozy bed with pillowsReprinted from IslamOnline.net, Ask the Scholar

Date: 04/July/2002

Name of Mufti: A group of Islamic researchers

Topic: Divulging Bedroom Secrets

Name of Questioner: Muslim brother

Question: As-Salamu `Alaykum. Could you please enlighten me about the Islamic ruling concerning divulging one’s bedroom secrets in public? Some people find no shame in discussing such secrets in public. Is such a thing permissible in Islam? Please cite an evidence in support of your view. Jazakum Allahu Khayran.

Answer:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, thank you very much for having confidence in us, and we hope our efforts, which are purely for Allah’s Sake, meet your expectations.

In Islam, intimacy between the husband and his wife should always be viewed as something private that must not be subject to intrusion. Right to marital privacy is one of the rights Islam made inalienable to both man and woman. The Glorious Qur’an has alluded to this by stating that, “…They are raiment for you and ye are raiment for them…” (Al-Baqarah: 187)

Raiment or garment symbolizes physical protection. Likewise, a spouse is viewed this way, in the sense that each one of them owes the other the duty of protecting his secrets, in order to have a serene and comfortable marital life.

In his well known book‘The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam’, the well known erudite scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, states the following:

“The Glorious Qur’an praises virtuous wives saying: “…Who are obedient, guarding in secret what Allah has guarded….” (An-Nisaa’: 34)

Among the secrets, which must be guarded, is the intimate relationship with the spouse. Discussing the secrets of such relationship in public or speaking about it to friends is not permitted. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Among those who will occupy the worst position in the Sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife and then spreads her secret.” (Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and Al-Bazzar)

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) is quoted to have said: Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) led us in prayer, and when he had finished he turned toward us and said: “Remain seated. Is there among you one who comes to his wife, closes the door, and draws the curtain, and then goes out and speaks about it, saying, “I did this and I did that with my wife?” The men remained silent. Then he turned toward the women and asked,“Is there among you one who tells about such things?” A girl raised herself on her knees so that the Messenger of Allah could see her and listen to what she said. She said, “Yes, by Allah, the men talk about it and the women do, too.” Then the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do you know the similitude of those who do that? They are like a male and female devils who meet each other in the road and satisfy their desire with the people gazing at them.”

This emphatic way of expressing the matter should be sufficient to turn the Muslim away from such ill-considered and degraded behavior, which would make him or her resemble a devil!”

Moreover, we would like to cite for you the following:

The only exception to this rule would be when there is a necessary reason to reveal such details, for example to a medical professional. Some examples might be if the husband is having problems with impotence, or the wife finds intercourse painful, or the couple has difficulty conceiving, or they need advice on birth control, etc. In such cases the doctor may need to ask some questions about the couple’s sexual practices.

If you have any further comments, please don’t hesitate to write back!

May Allah guide you to the straight path, and guide you to that which pleases Him, Ameen.

Tagged as: , , ,

Overcoming Tests and Trials in this Life

Florida supercell thunderstormOvercoming tests from Allah: how to deal with the trials of life

By Farrukh Paasha, edited by Zawaj.com for clarity. (I added subtitles; also, the original article had been altered, with a few poorly written paragraphs added at the end. I could not locate the author, so I did my best to recreate the ending in a manner true to the spirit of the article and the author’s beautiful style of expression).

We will be tested

Allah, Glory be to Him, says in the Quran: “Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, ‘We believe,’ and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false” (Quran, 29: 2-3).

By virtue of being created as human beings, we will be tested. We will be thrown into countless trials, into situations that may arise unpleasant and awkward, and into times of difficulty when it seems as though there is little reason to hope.

Tests will come at us from every direction; events will test the very core of our character and the strength of our beliefs. And these are the tests we cannot afford to fail. And Allah, Glory be to Him, has not left us empty-handed.

Iman gives strength and sustenance

Building our knowledge and our characters as Muslims is the only way to overcome the mild to the severe trials we will face every day until we die. He says: “Have you not seen how Allah has given the parable of a beautiful word like a beautiful tree whose roots are firmly established, and whose branches tower in the sky? It gives its fruits at all times by the permission of its Lord, and Allah sets forth parables for mankind in order that they may remember” (Quran, 14: 24-25).

A “beautiful word” in this verse refers to the Islamic statement of belief: la illaha ill Allah (there is no being worthy of worship except Allah). And the verse goes on to refer to a beautiful tree, which illustrates the character of a believer.

According to this verse, a believer is one whose Iman, or faith, is unwavering and firmly established. He or she cannot be swayed from the straight path by the winds of trials, no matter how fierce the storm. Knowing and believing that there is no being worthy of worship except Allah, Glory be to Him, and following His commandments provides a believer with the stability and confidence he or she needs to succeed.

Towering oak tree

A believer’s branches also “tower in the sky” like that of the beautiful tree. By this analogy, a believer’s Iman cannot remain hidden. A Muslim cannot claim to have Iman solely in the heart while not having it show in his or her actions.

Contrary to that, Iman is something so significant that by its nature, it must be seen by anyone who looks at or interacts with a Muslim. Your Iman raises you up to a higher moral level, just as the braches of the beautiful tree reach upwards towards to the sky.

These verses also mention that this tree that is compared with a true believer “gives its fruits at all times by the permission of its Lord.” The tree of Iman is ever fruitful, unlike a real tree that only gives fruits at certain times of the year.

Your faith and your belief in la illaha ill Allah sustains you night and day, in every season, during times of ease and times of great hardship. This is the parable of the believer whose good deeds never take a vacation – they are continuous throughout the day and the night. The chapter goes on to say “And the parable of an evil word is that of an evil tree uprooted from the surface of earth having no stability” (Quran 14: 26). An “evil word” in this verse refers to disbelief.

The verse describes the powerlessness and volatility of disbelief – it has no basis and he or she who disbelieves has little stability in life. The trials and difficulties of life can easily uproot such a person.

May Allah, Glory be to Him, make us be of those who are firmly rooted in their beliefs.

Sumayyah and Yasir

Islamic history is riddled with examples of Muslims who withstood tests that would seem unimaginably difficult today.

The Muslims of the past had an abundance of patience and perseverance which are two important traits of this beautiful tree of Iman.

Two Muslims who were of the most firmly rooted of believers were Sumayyah and Yasir, may God be pleased with them. After being among the first Muslims and agreeing to accept Islam in a very tumultuous period, Sumayyah and Yasir along with their son Ammar were tortured mercilessly at the hands of Abu Jahl. The family was left unprotected since they had no tribal affiliations in Makkah.

Unable to physically help them at the time, the prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, would visit them and say, “be patient, O family of Yasir, because your promised place is Paradise.” He would then turn his face to the sky and say: “O Lord! Forgive the family of Yasir.” The prophet also prayed for the alleviation of Ammar’s suffering by placing Ammar’s head in his lap and saying: “O fire! Be cool and harmless for Ammar in the same manner in which you became cool and harmless for Ibrahim.”

Sumayyah and Yasir were both martyred in the cause of Allah, Glory be to Him, after refusing to leave their faith which was dearer to them than life itself. The family was honoured with the best of honours: the prophet’s guarantee of their home in paradise. These are the examples we should take as guides to our own lives. Too often do we compromise what we believe in to accommodate the uneducated assumptions of others. Too often do we forget the immense history of Islam and Muslims.

One of the reasons we have the gift of Islam is because we stand on the shoulders of people like Sumayyah and Yasir, may Allah be pleased with them. People who did not waver, did not compromise their Iman to please others or even to save their own lives. Just like in our Islamic history, our strength as a community and as individuals today can only stem from the remembrance of and obedience to Allah, Glory be to Him. These times are difficult and the pain often hits close to home. But by holding fast to our belief in la illaha ill Allah , we will stay firmly rooted, our branches will tower high towards the sky, and our hearts will never lack sustenance, InshaAllah.

Sources: Tafsir Ibn Kathir, Volume 5

Hardships are an expiation for evil deeds

Allah tells us that we will be tested. He also makes it clear to us what is expected from us when we undergo these trials and what our reward will be if we are successful.

He says: “Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives and the fruits (of your toil) but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who, when misfortune strikes them, say: ‘Indeed we belong to Allah and to Him is our return. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord and it is those who are rightly guided.” [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 155]

The Prophet (peace be upon him)said: “No fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm or sadness afflicts any Muslim, even to the extent of a thorn pricking him, without Allah wiping out his sins by it.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

In another narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “No Muslim is afflicted by harm, whether it is but the prick of a thorn or something worse, without Allah expiating his evil deeds on account of it and his sins falling away from him like leaves off a tree.’” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

In reality, the entire Sacred Law (Shari’ah) is a tremendous blessing for us in this life and the next.

Obligations that initially seem difficult to fulfill have a polishing effect on the heart until eventually the one’s entire perspective changes. Outward submission leads to inward submission and heart fills with love and gratitude for Allah.

Obligations are not meant to be hammered out reluctantly; they are meant to be offered in the spirit of heartfelt gratitude to Allah for the myriad blessings that each of us has been given. Someone who is realized in this state will do everything for Allah; “worldly” activities such as eating, drinking, and conversing with friends are all performed with the intention of drawing closer to Allah.

Such a person will not worry over possible future problems, nor will he grieve over past difficulties, for he is busy with the One he loves. This is true happiness and anyone who misses out on it will never know the meaning of contentment.

So know that Allah is testing us because he wants good for us and he wants to see if we are going to come closer to him or more further away from him.

Allah is with the patient

Shaythan is wanting us to weaken and fail the tests from Allah. So will we let shaythan win? Or will we make the best of these opportunities and get closer to Allah than we have EVER been?

For if we are patient then Allah is with us so NOTHING can hurt or effect us!

Allah mentions in the Qur’an:

“Indeed Allah is with those who are patient.”

And Allah describes a certain kind of person in the Quran:

(256) There is no compulsion in religion; truly the right way has become clearly distinct from error; therefore, whoever disbelieves in the Shaitan and believes in Allah he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handle, which shall not break off, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing.

(257) Allah is the guardian of those who believe. He brings them out of the darkness into the light… (Baqarah, 2: 256-257)

This is a person who believes in Allah and holds on to that belief with an unbreakable grip. That person is assured that he has grabbed onto something beautiful and powerful (Iman in Allah), and so Allah will care for him, save him, guard him, and bring him out of the darkness of ignorance, and the darkness of pain and confusion, into the light of peace, knowledge, and tranquility.

The reward for the patient is Paradise

The Reward for Patience is Paradise

‘Ata ibn Rabah related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise?” I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.” [Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]

This is not to say that we should not seek cures for illnesses, or seek solutions to our problems. Of course we should utilize all the tools Allah has given us!

But sometimes we are faced with a problem that has no apparent solution, or a permanent injury, or an illness that the doctors cannot cure. In these cases, we are assured that our suffering is not in vain. They are in fact a blessing in disguise, as they are a means by which we obtain Allah’s forgiveness and even attain Jannah (Paradise), Insha’Allah, as long as we are patient and content in our hearts. SubhanAllah, it’s a mark of His immense mercy and love for us that even our troubles become blessings.

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaihee Raaji’oon

“To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:-

Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

Sex and Our Muslim Youth

Magazine newsstand in New York

If we do not educate our children about sex, they will learn from the wrong places and with wrong ideas.

Sex and the Muslim Youth – What Parents Need to Know

By Dr Ahmed Adam
Medical Physician, Counselor, and Writer — S. Africa

Introduction

The topic of sex has universal appeal. Sex is portrayed daily in various forms-directly or indirectly-in newspapers, magazines, cinemas, and in conversations between people. The topic of sex conjures images of promiscuity, lewdness, adultery, fornication, pornography, teenage pregnancies, pedophilia, gays, sexually transmitted diseases, contraceptives, abortions, and HIV/AIDS.

Yet somehow, despite the fact that “everyone” is influenced by this topic, it seems that most parents find this topic somewhat “delicate” to discuss with their children. Children of today seem to be maturing at a faster rate than a generation ago and often ask intelligent questions of their parents.

Some parents do their level best to satisfy their children’s natural curiosity.

Other parents simply don’t know how to handle their fast-growing kids and often assume that the less said about the subject of sex, the better. In some homes the word “sex” is taboo, and children are often reprimanded for asking innocent questions. Parents assume that children will grow up and “they will learn,” or that the school or friends are “responsible” for sharing this knowledge.

The reality is that parents who have this view are overlooking a major and significant source of correct information regarding this topic -themselves! Our children have the right to be given an unbiased view of sex, based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).

The Western media are very powerful, and often the main driver is money rather than values based on sound moral principles and with their roots in religion. This essay deals with this topic in an objective manner to throw some light on this issue and thereby, perhaps, give some confused teenagers a clearer perspective of the choices that they can make.

I am not a moralist or a mawlana. I do not intend to be judgmental of any individual, group, or society, but simply give my opinion on this topic from an Islamic point of view. Any errors are my own and I seek the forgiveness of Allah Most High for any errors contained in this article.

Sex Education

Studies have shown that the average teenager and preteen receive their sex education from the following sources in order of priority:

1- Friends, who may then share pornographic magazines, books, and Internet

2- TV and movies, which then lead to magazines and newspapers, or school (video or discussions of video), parents (through discussion of TV and movies)

Parents fail to realize that everyone is teaching their children about sex except them. Everyone is telling your children about sex, so how sure are you that this information is based on the guidelines laid down in Islam?

Sex is a fashionable industry that changes like the flavor of the month. Sex is a topic that advertisers and marketers use very effectively to sell their products. Unfortunately, the sources of information available to the preteen are often biased. Illusions are created that everyone is having sex … in these modern times, anything goes … you only live once, so make the most of it, and it is “cool” to chew a particular brand of chewing gum or smoke a particular brand of cigarette because that will make you rich and successful and ensure that you can attract the perfect partner. In fact, the reality is far removed from the illusion that is fed to the senses of our unsuspecting youth.

With aggressive and sustained marketing, society comes to accept abnormal activities as normal. Ten years ago, what was considered abnormal, unthinkable, abhorrent, immoral, and shameful, is today considered fashionable, normal, and modern. A typical example is that after watching a few episodes of any prime-time soap opera on TV, one gets the impression that adultery is acceptable and normal; premarital sex fashionable, and that deceit, trickery, lying, and manipulation are essential to get your man or woman, no matter what the cost or the hurt that others suffer in the process.

Furthermore, the printed and visual media create the impression that marriage is old fashioned, live-in relationships and cohabitation are in vogue, and being gay is fashionable. Homosexuality, bestiality, and escort clubs (prostitution) are all normal. We have reached a stage (through effective marketing) where certain individuals in society justify everything by their right to freedom of expression. If this is really freedom, then why do we see so many examples of the following scenarios:

1- Young adults are being infected with the HIV virus at an alarming rate. South Africa has one of the fastest growing number of infected people in the world; HIV/AIDS has reached epidemic proportions in this country. The age group that is mainly targeted is teenagers and young adults.

2- A devout mother, loyal to her husband, suddenly develops a sexually transmitted disease (such as syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, or even HIV/AIDS); how did this happen? STDs have reached epidemic proportions in America, where 40 million people are infected with some form of STD.

3- Teenage pregnancy is on the increase; girls as young as 11 are getting pregnant-a child is pregnant with a child. Many teenagers are having abortions, which leads to emotional, physical, and mental side effects.

4- Girls as young as 10-12 are having unprotected sex, with devastating consequences. When questioned, these young children say, “No one told me that it is wrong.”

5- Wonderful homes break up and end in divorce because the husband (or wife) was having an adulterous relationship; the main victims in this scenario are the children.

6- Females as young as 2 and as old as 80 are being raped.

7- Homosexuality is on the increase; acts of sodomy that were once considered an abomination against humanity, are now considered normal to the extent that gay marriages are being allowed in some parts of the world.

8- More and more relationships end up in hurt, depression, unhappiness, conflict, and regret.

Slave shacklesThe above examples show that the issue of sexual liberation has in fact enslaved the very people that it attempts to free. The sexual liberators are being enslaved in the chains of disease, depression, divorce, dissatisfaction, double standards, deceit, and discontent. Individuals, organizations, and governments are actively searching for solutions to halt this tide of immorality and its associated truckload of problems.

Recent research has shown that two-thirds of the schools in America are now promoting the idea of “no sex before marriage” and that “safe sex” is not the use of condoms, but safe sex is “no sex before marriage,” and only one sex partner for life (no adultery). Furthermore, many states in the US are promoting the idea of having pride in remaining a virgin until marriage, and many students are signing certificates vowing their commitment to this new “fashion” of abstinence.

How long will this last? Will we once again undergo a new sexual revolution? The answer to this dilemma and to all dilemmas facing any society where the fabric of society is under threat from immorality, alcoholism, drugs, gambling, crime, dishonesty, and materialism can be found in the Qur’an, which has been sent for all humanity. Its principles have a universal application for all times. It was the task of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) to give a practical implementation of the universal message of the Qur’an so that anyone who follows the perfect example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) will be on the straight path.

The Islamic View of These Problems

Adultery

Adultery means to have sex with a person who is not your legally married partner; there are two types of adultery:

1- A married person who has sex with an unmarried person

2- A married person who has sex with another married person

Would you like adultery for your mother, wife, sister, or daughter? If not, then why perpetuate it or condone it? There are several verses in the Qur’an and many authentic hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), which give clear guidance on the choices that we can make.

[Say: the things that my Lord hath indeed forbidden are: shameful deeds, whether open or secret;….] (Al-A`raf 7:33)

[Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).] (Al-Israa’ 17:32)

1- Marriage is a sacred relationship between a husband and wife. When either spouse has a sexual relationship outside this relationship, this is usually done secretly; thus there is breakdown of trust in the relationship.

2- The guilty party may contract a sexually transmitted disease, which can then be transmitted to the innocent victim.

3- The victim is usually the female. She has two options, either stay and ignore what the father of her children is doing, or ask for a divorce. If the woman does not have a source of income, she either has to return to her parents and thus be a burden on them, or eke out a living and thus raise her children in poverty.

4- Children are the innocent victims in divorce. They bear the brunt of the constant fights between their parents and grow up with emotional and psychological scars.

Fornication

Fornication (zina) means to have sex with anyone while not yet married; there are two types of fornication:

1- An unmarried person who has sex with another unmarried person.

2- An unmarried person who has sex with a married person; in this case, it is fornication for the unmarried person but adultery for the married person.

Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as God has made sacred, except for just cause, nor commit fornication; and any that does this (not only) meets punishment (but) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy. (Al-Furqan 25:68-69)

In this verse, the sin of fornication is given its seriousness by being ranked as follows:

  1. The first major sin is associating partners with Allah Most High.
  2. The second major sin is murder.
  3. The third major sin is fornication.
Whiskey bottle in the street

"The one who commits illegal sexual intercourse is not a believer at the time of committing illegal sexual intercourse, and a thief is not a believer at the time of committing theft, and a drinker of alcoholic drink is not a believer at the time of drinking. Yet, (the gate of) repentance is open thereafter."

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “When a man commits fornication, faith departs from him and there is something like a canvas roof over his head; and when he quits that action, faith returns to him.” (Abu Dawud #4673).

The Prophet said, “The one who commits illegal sexual intercourse is not a believer at the time of committing illegal sexual intercourse, and a thief is not a believer at the time of committing theft, and a drinker of alcoholic drink is not a believer at the time of drinking. Yet, (the gate of) repentance is open thereafter.” (Al-Bukhari 8, 801).

Furthermore, the punishment is described in the following verse: The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication-flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day. (An-Nur 24:2).

Furthermore, if the girl becomes pregnant as a consequence of this premarital or extramarital act, then the child is not considered a legal heir according to the following hadith:

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “If a man commits fornication with a free woman or a slave woman, the child is the product of fornication, and neither does he inherit nor may anyone inherit from him.” (At-Tirmidhi #3054).

Marriage

Marriage is the public proclamation that gives legal, physical, and spiritual license to have sex with your partner.

Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste until Allah gives them means out of His Grace. (An-Nur 24:33)

For Muslim men and women, for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast, for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s Praise-for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and a great reward. (Al-Ahzab 33:35)

Muslim males and females are enjoined to marry. There are various guidelines pertaining to selecting a suitable partner in life. This choice cannot be left to chance. However, if anyone does not have the means to marry, this dilemma does not entitle anyone to fornicate; rather he or she is enjoined to remain chaste and to patiently persevere and seek help from Allah Most High. To guard your chastity is a test from Allah Most High and requires a lot of discipline and willpower. However, those individuals who succeed in avoiding fornication and adultery, [for them has Allah Most High prepared forgiveness and a great reward.] Furthermore, according to the following verses, there are clear instructions for those people who commit fornication and then decide to marry:

Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the believers such a thing is forbidden. (An-Nur 24:3)

(Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues. (Al-Ma’idah 5:5)

These verses emphasize the need and pursuit of sexual purity both before marriage and within marriage, and give guidelines as to the selection of a partner. Sex counselors and psychologists now confirm the wisdom behind these verses. A person who has multiple partners is always comparing the spouse’s performance to that of other partners. If an “experienced” boy marries a virgin wife, he may be unhappy with her inexperience and may expect (and sometimes demand) more. This can lead to a very fragile relationship, which is bound to flounder. Unfortunately, some men have a double standard wherein they feel free to have sex with multiple partners before marriage, but insist that their wife must be a virgin.

Sex and Hygiene

Islam places a very high emphasis on hygiene and cleanliness. This requirement, together with sexual purity both before marriage and during marriage, tremendously minimizes the risks of diseases associated with the sexual organs. The need and emphasis on cleanliness is highlighted in the following:

O ye who believe! when ye prepare for prayer wash your faces and your hands (and arms) to the elbows; rub your heads (with water); and (wash) your feet to the ankles. If ye are in a state of ceremonial impurity, bathe your whole body. (Al-Ma’idah 5:6)

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “When anyone sits between the four parts of her body and exerts himself (has intercourse), bathing becomes obligatory (for both).” (Muslim)

Prostitution

Prostitution is forbidden in Islam as indicated in the following hadith:

A slave girl of some Ansari came and said, “My master forces me to commit fornication.” Thereupon, the following verse was revealed: But force not your maids to prostitution. (Abu Dawud #2304).

It is a very sad reflection on our society that some people are forced into prostitution due to circumstances that may be beyond their control. The most wicked and severe form of prostitution is that of child prostitution, enforced either by their parents (very rarely, but most abhorrently), caregivers, or swindlers. Furthermore, studies have shown that there is a very high correlation between prostitution and drugs. Drug dealers usually prey on unsuspecting teenagers at shopping malls, cinemas, and schools, by offering them free drugs. The unsuspecting teenagers become addicted and involuntarily become “customers for life” to these drug dealers. The teenagers then resort to begging, stealing, and prostituting to service this habit.

Teenagers should be on the alert for pimps and drug dealers-nothing in life comes for free, there is always a catch. Be alert. Furthermore, be very alert to the dangers presented by pedophiles who derive a perverted sense of pleasure in abusing young children.

Willpower and Discipline

Adultery and fornication do not happen automatically. The mind plays an important role in the whole scenario. Everyone is constantly bombarded with visual, auditory, and tactile stimuli that are processed in the mind. These messages can either be controlled or uncontrolled. If teenagers have low self-esteem and want to be accepted, they will give in to temptation. On the other hand, teenagers who are firm in their faith in Allah Most High and who have positive self-esteem, use their willpower to control temptation and channel it into another form of energy.

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Allah Most High has written for the son of Adam his inevitable share of adultery, whether he is aware of it or not: The adultery of the eye is looking (at something which is sinful to look at), and the adultery of the tongue is to utter (what it is unlawful to utter), and the inner-self wishes and longs for (adultery) and the private parts turn that into reality or refrain from submitting to the temptation” (Al-Bukhari 8, 609).

Prevalence of Illegal Sex

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “From among the portents of the hour is that (open) illegal sexual intercourse will prevail, and men will decrease in number while women will increase” (Al-Bukhari 8, 800A).

This hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) very accurately describes our current state of affairs. San Francisco and Sydney are famous for their “gay liberation” celebrations. Nudist colonies, escort agencies, pornography, teenage pregnancies, and adultery are so common that people seem to be fighting a losing battle against this tidal wave of immorality and have come to accept all of these activities as the “modern generation.”

Furthermore, with each generation, the level and availability of lewdness is increasing; for example, pornography is available in our homes on TV and the Internet, thus affecting the mindset of our children from an early age. Homosexuality is gaining support throughout many parts of the world. Some advocates of the gay movement are claiming that they are born gay. This is a ruse to cover their shameful behavior. Homosexuality is a lifestyle choice. Allah Most High created everything in pairs, male and female. Anyone who goes against this plan will be answerable to Allah Most High.

The above verses from the Qur’an and various hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) clearly indicate that both fornication and adultery are forbidden in Islam; furthermore, the long-term harm of these acts far outweigh and short-term momentary gratification.

In simple terms, the Islamic requirement is as follows:

1- Boys and girls should not have sex before they are married

2- Sex is only permissible between legally married partners

3- Within the arena of the marriage contract, sex is a sacred, private, and personal act between the married couple only; this means that the husband and wife should guard their “bedroom secrets” from all prying ears and eyes.

4- Neither of the partners is allowed to have sex with anyone else. This means that neither the husband nor the wife can indulge in the un-Islamic practices of wife swapping parties, visiting prostitutes, or having sex with another married or single person.

5- If the husband is legally married to more than one wife (up to a maximum of four) then he is legally allowed to have sex with all four wives provided that he treats all of them equally.

6- When in doubt about anything, use the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to give clarity on any matter.

Role of Parents

Evil television - little girl in front of a TV

Children are bombarded with un-Islamic ideas and images from many sources.

Our children are faced daily with images from TV, movies, videos, Internet, newspapers, magazines, books, and friends about the “sexual revolution.” Their young minds are being brainwashed with ideas that morals, modesty, and values are old-fashioned. If we do not tell our children about the facts of life and what is acceptable moral behavior from a cultural, and, more importantly, from an Islamic viewpoint, then we should share the blame with our children if they become ensnared in the vices of sex, drugs, teenage pregnancy, prostitution, alcohol, and gambling. The methodology should be as follows:

Advice to a Preteen Daughter

Your body is now undergoing various changes that will prepare you to be a woman. With these changes comes the responsibility that you will one day be a mother. Your body will undergo various changes in the size of your breasts, face, height, weight, as well as the onset of a flow of menstrual blood on a regular basis every month-this is nothing to be scared of, it is Allah Most High’s miracle, where your womb is made ready every month to receive an egg for fertilization.

These changes are coming much earlier in this generation compared to a few decades ago. Children are maturing much faster than we can ever imagine. In previous generations, young girls started menstruating from the age of 13 years; today, girls as young as 9 years are beginning to menstruate. This means that if you have sex at this age, you can become pregnant. If you become pregnant at this age, your life will be shattered and the whole course of your life will be changed. Your dreams, goals, and wishes to pursue a career may have to be postponed or abandoned forever.

You must be happy with your own body. Your body will undergo various hormonal changes, which will lead to emotional changes and mood fluctuations as well as pimples. This is a time for conflict with everyone, and parents have to restrain themselves and discuss issues with love and understanding. The main word of caution for you is to avoid peer pressure from your friends, who will encourage you to start experimenting with kissing and sex. Some teenagers can make very hurtful remarks and may make you feel very isolated if you do not participate. Don’t listen to them. You must have enough confidence in yourself that you are following the commands laid down by Allah Most High and you should simply say “No, I am not interested.” It will be a decision that you will never regret.

Particularly avoid the older boys and men. They will shower you with gifts, flowers, and false proclamations of love, but they are simply throwing out a net to get you into bed so that you lose your virginity. They will then dump you and go to the next unsuspecting girl. You will have lost various personal things in the process:

1. You will have lost your virginity.

2. You will have contravened the Qur’anic injunction not to commit fornication (zina).

3. You may well have gained an unwanted pregnancy (many girls still have the mistaken myth that they cannot fall pregnant after their first sexual encounter.)

4. You may have gained a sexually transmitted disease (including HIV/AIDS). There are no cures for some sexual diseases: herpes and genital warts, for example. Some diseases, if not properly treated, can lead to infertility and you will not be able to have children. Or they lead to an increased incidence of cancer of the cervix (entrance to the womb).

Advice to a Preteen Son

Your body is undergoing various changes that will prepare you to enter adulthood so that one day you can be a father. You will notice changes in your voice; you may develop acne and hair on various parts of your body. Nocturnal emission is common at this age, as well as mood swings. Your natural body odors will increase, so it is important for you to bathe regularly and pay special attention to personal hygiene. Your body will be growing rapidly and you will need to eat a lot, exercise a lot, and sleep a lot to allow your body to gain maximum physical benefits.

You will be encouraged or ridiculed by some of your friends to have sex with a girl. You should be confident in your abilities as a freethinking individual to make your own choices based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). You should treat all girls and women with respect, kindness, and courtesy-not as a commodity that can be used, abused, and thrown aside.

You will see advertisements on TV and in newspapers and magazines that in order to avoid HIV/AIDS, you should use a condom. Remember that this is not what Islam teaches us. Islam says safe sex is “no sex before marriage.” Indulge in all activities that will develop your mind, body, and spirit within the framework of Islam. These are wonderful years that you are going through, free of responsibility (except the homework!). Try to be the best “you” you can be.

The Quran

The Quran is a source of guidance and truth.

Conclusion

Allah Most High has given mankind free will. We all have to make choices in life. However, life offers us a whole banquet of choices and delicacies that sometimes lead to a state of utter confusion or paralysis.

  • What is the right decision?
  • Whom should I please?
  • What is fashionable?
  • Will my decision open me to ridicule?

An undecided person is always a victim of circumstance, a pawn in the hands of the fashion trendsetters. The ones at peace are those individuals who use the Qur’an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) as the compass to set the right course and to differentiate right from wrong.

There is much good in this wonderful world; however, there are many temptations. Temptations are present as a test for all of us. Ultimately, we are the decision-makers. We can only make informed decisions based on knowledge. Many governments are now firmly advocating the policies of virginity, no sex before marriage, no adultery, and so on, in a desperate attempt to re-kindle the value systems of prior generations.

The beauty of Islam is that the instructions and guidelines contained in the Qur’an are valid forever and are immune to the vicissitudes of the latest trend. Allah Most High created us. It therefore follows that He knows what is best for us. I do hope that this brief discussion has thrown some light on this very vast topic. I also hope that the current generation of teens and preteens who are often faced with difficult choices will have a clearer foundation on which to base their decisions.

Finally, a new generation of preteens is developing. It is our collective responsibility, as a community and a nation, to give clear guidelines to our youth. Our youth is our future and our destiny. May Allah Most High, Most Gracious, worthy of all praise, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, guide us, and our youth to a path that is straight.

*******

Dr Ahmed Adam is a medical doctor by profession. He has four university degrees in the fields of science and medicine.

Source: IslamOnline.net
Zawaj.com prints articles that express a diversity of opinions, from liberal to conservative. However, all articles express the viewpoint of the author, and are not necessarily endorsed by Zawaj.com.

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

“Muslim” – What it Means to Me

Muslim

"What does the word 'Muslim' mean to you?"

Muslim

What the Word “Muslim” Means to Me

By Wael Abdelgawad, Zawaj.com Editor
March 21, 2010

The word alone triggers such different reactions in different people.

The literal definition of the word Muslim is “one who submits,” meaning one who submits to Allah, believing in Him and obeying His commandments.

More specifically, the word Muslim is the participle of the same Arabic verb of which Islam is the infinitive. The feminine form is Muslimah, though a female Muslim is often referred to as simply a Muslim.

There are many stereotypes about Muslims in the West, or one might say in the non-Muslim world in general, but I will not go into those in this article.

Instead, I’d like to share my thoughts and feelings on hearing the word Muslim and contemplating its meaning. I am using the word in a gender-inclusive sense.

Muslim

Faithful. Allah is his Master, and the Quran is the wellspring of his life. Muhammad (pbuh) is his beloved Messenger, and all the Sahabah * (see glossary at bottom for explanations of many terms) are his guiding stars. Tawheed is his creed, taqwa his rugged garment, imaan his cool summer rain, and ihsaan his aspiration.

Muslim

Harmonized. She has chosen to live the way Allah created us to live, in harmony with everything around us, including nature, other people, and the earth itself. Plugged into the reality of the universe.

Muslim

Peaceful. His manner is gentle. He is not angry or violent. He would never raise his hands except to defend himself, his family, or other innocents.

Malcolm X in prayer

Hajj Malik Al-Shabazz (Malcolm X) in prayer

Muslim

Generous. If I knock on his door, he will invite me in and bring me honey tea and baklawa, ask about my family, and be a believer with me, remembering Allah so that his house remains a place of life. When the salat time arrives he’ll spread the musallas and pray with me.

Muslim

Kind. His eyes are soft and smiling. He shakes my hand firmly, but with a brotherly openness. If I need help, offers it. He is charitable, ready to give his last coin to someone hungry or ill, knowing that it will come back to him seven hundred fold, and that everything is recorded and nothing is lost.

Muslim

My brothers and sisters. Arab, African, Indian, Thai, Filipino, Chinese, European, American, Latino, whatever… they are my family, my Ummah, my people. If they are free, I breathe easy. If they are fed, I sleep well. If they are mentally aware and spiritually conscious, I am liberated.

Muslim

Feeling each other’s pain. If she is suffering or oppressed, I feel it like the pain in my own body. If she is sad, lonely or confused, I do what I can to guide and help. I can never ignore her agony, any more than I could ignore a sliver in my own eye.

Muslim

Friends, compatriots. When I see him, I feel comfortable and at ease, whether I know him or not. I greet him with “As-salamu alaykum” and I smile. I can engage him in conversation, even if I know nothing about him. I know his language no matter what it is. If he tells me something good I say ma-sha-Allah. If he mentions some blessing or favor in his life, I say Alhamdulillah. If he mentions something he hopes to do, I say Insha’Allah. We understand one another.

Muslim

At home in Allah’s house. He can walk into a masjid anywhere in the world and feel at home. He can perform wudu’, prostrate himself to Allah, read the Quran, stand shoulder to shoulder in prayer with strangers, and feel a sense of rightness and belonging.

Noha Abd Rabo, Muslim female Olympic athlete

Noha Abd Rabo of Egypt reacts after her fight against Sarah Stevenson of Britain in their women's + 68 kg taekwondo bronze medal match during the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games in Beijing on August 23, 2008.

Muslim

An Islamic worldview. She shares my world view and cultural understanding, no matter her nationality or race. She knows that this life is only a test, a moment of activity between a sleep and a sleep, a flower blooming and wilting in a single afternoon. She knows that the aakhirah is the home that calls; her heart is filled with hope and fear of Judgment.

She steps out of her door and does the right thing, because that is her covenant with Allah, and because she loves to do good. She sees signs of Allah in the miracle of a hummingbird or the majesty of Mt. Everest; in the swirls of her fingertips, and in the knowledge of Allah that exists in her heart.

Muslim

Pursuing excellence. Doctor, lawyer, farmer, engineer, human rights worker, driver, tour guide, seamstress, Olympic athlete. Striving for excellence in all things as a matter of worship and a way of life. Truth-telling, fair, honest in business and in love.

Muslim

Family. Mother, father, giddo (grandpa), nena (grandma), niece, nephew, cousin, wife, daughter, son. Respecting their elders, kind to their youth. Full of love like the sunrise. Embracing like the warm Mediterranean. Laughing like light on the water. Supporting like the granite of the earth.

Muslim

Seeker and guide. Da’iyy, Imam, Quran reciter, submitting in prayer, fasting, performing the Hajj. A voice calling in the darkness. Footsteps to follow in the sand. A bringer of truth. Commanding good and forbidden evil, with the hand, the tongue or the heart.

Muslim

Patient and grateful. Striving her utmost but never trying to force the outcome because that belongs to Allah. Never giving up, patient, strong.

If she has suffered, if she has been beaten or hurt, if she has been hungry or confused or lost in the dunya, she comes through it stronger, knowing that Allah is on her side.

If she has been blessed to live in comfort and ease, to have a loving family, rich food, tailored clothing and quiet cars, then she thanks Allah, knowing that everything she has is a blessing and a trust from Him, and knowing that the way to show thanks is to give and share.

No matter what, she is humble before Allah, never arrogant, never looking down on others.

Chinese Muslim girl from Xinjiang, China

A Chinese Muslim girl from Xinjiang, China. Muslims are found everywhere, but are one Ummah (nation).

Muslim

Standing up. He is angry that the image of his religion has been hijacked by extremists, and by those who practice ignorant cultural traditions. He stands up for human rights, freedom, and the dignity of all human beings. He stands against terrorism in all forms, oppression of those who follow other religions, “honor killings”, racism, female genital mutilation, intolerance, and destruction of churches or monuments of other religions.

Muslim

Suffering. Battered by war. Torn apart by sectarian strife. Oppressed by tyrants and dictators. Invaded by foreign powers. Massacred. His land stolen, his holy places demolished, his leaders arrested, his people driven from their homes.

Starving. Politically imprisoned. Tortured by his own police, tortured by foreign invaders.

Crying out for freedom, struggling valiantly, never giving up, never accepting subjugation, never submitting to anyone except Allah.

Muslim

Submitting to Allah.

What does the word “Muslim” mean to you?

*******

Glossary of Terms:

  • Aakhirah – the eternal life herafter, the life after our worldy death.
  • Alhamdulillah – “Praise be to Allah.” Something Muslims say to thank Allah for any good thing, large or small. Also, what a Muslim says when he sneezes.
  • As-salamu alaykum – “Peace be upon you.” The greeting of Muslims.
  • Baqlawa – a Middle Eastern sweet with honey and nuts.
  • Da’iyy – a caller to Allah. One who works to propagate Islam by preaching and setting a good example.
  • Ihsaan – perfection or excellence. Showing one’s inner faith in action.
  • Imam – a Muslim prayer leader, community leader or scholar. Not to be confused with Iman.
  • Imaan or Iman – faith or belief, a state of being made up of more than 70 parts which consist of all kinds of virtuous behavior.
  • Insha’Allah – “If Allah wills.” Something Muslims say when discussing future actions.
  • Ma-sha-Allah – “What Allah has willed.” Something Muslims say when praising something good, or sometimes just as a way of saying, “That’s just the way it is.”
  • Masjid – a mosque, a Muslim house of worship.
  • Musalla – place of prayer. Also used for small prayer rugs that many Muslims use.
  • Sahabah – the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
  • Taqwa – consciousness of Allah in all one’s actions.
  • Tawheed – the Oneness of Allah, and belief in that principle.
  • Wudu’ – the ritual ablutions or washing up that a Muslim performs before prayer.
Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

Interracial Marriages in Islam

Interracial Muslim couple

Thoughts and advice on interracial marriage in Islam

By ibnabeeomar
MuslimMatters.org

Thoughts and Advice on Interracial Marriages

This is a post I have been thinking about writing for quite some time because I have a lot of thoughts on this issue (the reasons why may be obvious from the rest of this post) and I wanted to get them down and get some feedback from other Muslims. Here is how I want to focus this topic:

1. Before Marriage – Stereotypes/Obstacles
2. During Marriage – Culture Clash, Confused Kids, and Bewildered in-Laws
3. Societal Ramifications (focus on living in the US)
4. Parting Comments

Before Marriage – Stereotypes and Obstacles

No matter your background, an interracial marriage will be met with obstacles on both sides. It is especially the case for the generation of people whose parents were immigrants, and they themselves were raised here. To even broach the idea of an interracial marriage will spring forth 100 year old stereotypes of other cultures you never even knew existed. It is particularly sad when these are directed at other Muslim groups. For example, a Pakistani trying to marry an Arab will no doubt hear many “Arabs are this…” or “Arabs are that…” type of comments.

Even those who marry within the race will often face problems in marrying outside the tribe, or people from a specific part of the same country, so much so that some people even consider these marriages to be against the norm.

Muslims who are the first generation to be born and raised in the West face a unique dilemma. They must harmonize between finding someone who is suitable religiously, and culturally. The cultural aspect can get confusing because while a person may be Indian, they have more in common with a Bengali person who grew up here also as opposed to an Indian person from ‘back home.’

It is that point though, that parents have a tough time coming to grips with. It seems some have missed the fact that their kids have a distinct culture that’s different that what they think they taught them. This is why it is frustrating to see many marriages being held up because someone’s parents are looking from a family who is from the same village back home.

It is good to see the trend of our youth overlooking the racial/ethnic lines in marriage, and trying to marry for the deen, however, the obstacles are often great. Many families are not accepting of such marriages, and many face great difficulties in pursuing them. The hardest part is breaking stereotypes that people have formed, or been brought up with. These are literally ideologies they may have held for the vast majority of their lives. The culture and environment their kids have been brought up in though, does not hald fast to these same ideals.

During Marriage

This is where the toughest adjustment comes, and the cultural differences must be overcome. For purposes of this article, we will go ahead and assume that alhamdulillah as far as the deen is concerned, both parties are mashallah practicing and on the same page in regards to their religion. It is what comes outside of that which can cause problems.

The first problem is, if I may term it so, latent cultural tendencies. By this I mean that once a person is married, they are now in a stage of life that they have not experienced before (assuming its the first marriage). Since this is the case, the only ‘experience’ they have to revert back to is that of their own parents. A person might not realize these things before marriage, but after a kid the husband may start acting a certain way, and due to the way he was brought up, he will have certain expectations as to what his wife should do as a mother. The wife, having been brought up differently, may have the opposite expectation. This is a situation where the culture has caused a clash despite the fact that neither one may actually be a cultural Pakistani, or a cultural Arab in the traditional sense.

In-laws are another issue that comes up. Different cultures have vastly different expectations of their sons-in-law or daughters-in-law, and an interracial marriage will bring about an abrupt adjustment period for them. Language barriers can also be an issue here. It is unfortunate that this aspect of an interracial marriage is often the most overlooked despite the heavy emphasis in Islam on preserving the family ties. Deen may very well be an extremely strong bond in preserving your marriage, but does that same bond exist with your spouse’s parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and other family members?

Kids add another dimension, and quite possibly the toughest. The husband/wife must be prepared to deal with difficulties their children may endure from being of mixed-race. There’s also issues of what languages to teach them, and how to communicate in the house. It is important for these issues to be agreed upon before getting married. Everyone has seen families where the mother and children communicate in one tongue, and the father is often left out in the cold and ends up disconnected from the family.

Societal Ramifications

Lebanese Muslim couple

A Muslim couple enjoying the sunset

Obviously interracial marriages are not for everyone, not everyone desires one (most probably don’t), and not everyone is cut out for one.

With that said, it is encouraging to see a rising trend in these marriages. We are after all, one ummah. Our cultures do enrichen our ummah, but they cannot come before our religion. To see more couples and mixed-race children is a very apparent way of breaking down some barriers and stereotypes that exist within our societies. It exposes Muslims of one culture more intimately to those from another, and in the end I feel it increases the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood.

It is also important in our times, to not let ourselves become segregated too much, otherwise we will end up with masjids separated out like the “black churches” or “white churches.” I know that exists to some degree now, but alhamdulillah I think most of the bigger masaajid in bigger communities are very diverse (even if the board members might all be from one country, but that’s a different story).

Tariq Nelson made a pertinent point on his blog,

I am of the controversial opinion that increased interracial/intercultural marriage is one of the ways that will lead to a meshing of a singular American Muslim identity. This would eventually lead to more of a blending in this country, culturally and genetically, of the many Muslim cultures as well as the American one. Intermarriage is one of the ways people that were once even somewhat hostile can become one group.

The most important role interracial marriages may play in this is the affect that they will have on their family and friends. At the very least it will force them to look past their cultural identity and see a first-hand example of a family that is insha’Allah putting their religion above all else – about making themselves Muslim before being anything else.

Parting Comments

First and foremost we should ask Allah (swt) to purify our intentions and grant us the tawfeeq to make all of our actions for Him and for Him alone. Marriage in general is not a goal in and of itself, but it is a means of worshipping Allah by trying to establish a family upon the Sunnah.

If someone chooses to pursue an interracial marriage, they really need to “check yourself before you wreck yourself” and make sure they are ready to deal with the consequences of their decisions. I have outlined just a small sampling of the obstacles that one might face. People really need to do some self-introspection and see where they stand, see what their maturity level is, and know what they can handle before getting involved in anything.

Once a person does become involved in an interracial marriage, the most important thing is to have patience. A lot of things will come your way, but you must persevere through them as a Muslim should. Remember also that all your actions, and your family in the public eye, will be under much more scrutiny than most. One of the saddest things is the attitude people have towards interracial couples of “let’s see how long that will last.” People will be expecting your marriage to fail. It’s not right, but it’s a reality.

Know that it will take time for the families of both parties to integrate and become comfortable with one another. The key is for both people to be willing to put up with that and work towards their ultimate goal of insha’Allah having a good Muslim family. Even outside of family, you will deal with smaller things like trying to fit into social groups that exist in masaajid and communities, or being looked at as the ‘token interracial couple’ of an event, etc.

But insha’Allah if it is successful, there is a huge potential for making dawah and helping to make impact in society. Also, don’t forget the fringe benefit of having super-cute children masha’Allah :-)

These are just some brief thoughts I had on this matter, really I think a whole book can be written on this subject, but I did want to see people’s attitudes towards it. Would you consider it for yourself? What about for your children? What about for your siblings? How do you feel when you see an interracial couple?

******************************

About the Author: ibnabeeomar is from the southern USA. A computer science guy who doesnt actually do real IT work, stuck in corporate America (where else can one find time for blogs?). He has a strange fascination with eating chicken tikka at every desi restaurant he visits. He is also married with kids.

Tagged as: , , ,

Female Wet Dreams: Islamic Perspectives & Regulations

Woman dreamingBy Umm Reem
Reprinted from MuslimMatters.org

Some time ago, I gave a series of lectures on Taharah (cleanliness) to the sisters in my community. A number of questions were raised from the discussion. It was nice and a very open talk since the one giving the lecture was a female herself. The sisters felt quite comfortable asking questions, in detail, that they normally feel shy about.

One of the matters that we discussed was about the exact nature of female wet dreams. I realized that this issue is not only complicated for sisters but also a much neglected subject. This is why, I decided to have a full entry on this topic, for a number of reasons:

1. This matter is not as simple and clearly distinguishable for sisters as it is for brothers, so it must be thoroughly explained.

2. There are a number of lectures given from shayukh to the brothers, in detail; however, rarely do we ever hear any Shariah explanation for sisters, in detail.

3. Mothers feel shy talking to their daughters about it. In which case, if the young daughter experiences a wet dream, she may not know the Shariah ruling on it or how to purify herself afterward.

Hence, I decided to contribute this piece, along with the help of a professional Gynecologist, Dr. Fatimah Lalani and Shaykh Yasir Qadhi, so it may help and benefit all the sisters who read this.

Wet dreams are as normal for women as they are for men. Although, the frequency may be lower compared to men, nonetheless, the occurrence of wet dreams among women does not indicate any abnormality.

Umm Salamah said: “Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?’ The Prophet said: ‘Yes, if she sees water (a discharge).’ Umm Salamah covered her face and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, can a woman have an erotic dream?’ He said, ‘Yes, may your hands be rubbed with dust. How else would her child resemble her?’” (Bukhari)

Therefore, if a girl/woman sees a wet dream, it does not mean that she is sexually perverted, lewd or immodest in any sense. It is out of her control, especially for younger girls who may be experiencing many hormonal changes in their bodies. In fact, the Shariah itself recognizes wet dreams as a sign of puberty.

“And when the children among you come to puberty (al-hilm)…” [al-Noor 24:59]

The same term, al-hilm, is used for both puberty and wet dreams, marking wet dreams an indication of puberty.

Besides, Allah azzawajal created wet dreams as an outlet for men and women to release their sexual energy. It happens as a result of human nature which Allah azzawajal has created Himself and no blame can be put on a person. Moreover, since wet dreams happen during sleep, while a person has no control over himself/herself, the Shariah frees a person from any blame.

The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, said: “The Pen has been lifted from three: from the one who is sleeping until he wakes up, from the child until he reaches the age of puberty, and from one who is insane until he comes to his senses.” (Tirmidhi)

Also, keep in mind that the Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalam, did not reprimand the woman who had a wet dream, neither did he declare it “abnormal” for women. Rather, he made it quite clear that women can have wet dreams just like men do and there is no oddity or incongruity with it.

Aisha (ra) said: The Messenger of Allaah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, was asked about a man who notices some wetness but does not remember having a wet dream. He said, “He should do ghusl.” He was asked about a man who thinks that he had an erotic dream but does not see any wetness. He said, “He does not have to do ghusl.” Umm Salamah said, “O Messenger of Allah, does a woman have to do ghusl if she sees something like that?” He said, “Yes, women are the twin halves of men.” (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood)

And so, I want to remind the parents and the husbands to educate themselves on this subject before making any hurtful or psychologically damaging remarks to their womenfolk. This matter is as normal among women as it is among men.

Having said this, I want to encourage mothers to inform and educate their daughters about such dreams. Do not underestimate what others are capable of teaching your daughter, including her friends (inside or outside the schools, Muslims or non-Muslims) or even teachers. Even if they do not attend the “sex-Ed” class at the school, I can assure you that they will be taught by their fellow students. Most of my teen students learned about these issues from their classmates during 3rd and 4th grade. That was about ten years ago and over the time; our society has only become more corrupted.

It is best that a daughter hears and learns this information directly from her own mother rather than from someone else educating her in school or in the streets. A mother’s education is sincere, pure, and free of any vulgarity. Besides, a Muslim mother can/should always point out the Islamic recognition of the normality of our body functions and the Shariah rulings about it.

Do not wait until your daughter asks you, because she may never ask you. This is a step that a mother has to initiate and be the first to “break the ice.” My suggestion is to explain exactly what happens during a wet dream, next give her the biological/hormonal cause, and then explain to her the Islamic ruling about it. Make your daughter feel comfortable, do not pass any embarrassing comments, put a smile on your face but be precise.

Also, do not wait until her menstrual cycle starts. It is better to educate her once the signs of puberty start appearing in her. During my discussion with Dr. Lalani, I asked her if a girl could have wet dreams before she has her first menstrual cycle. And she replied:

“Yes I suppose it is possible. Puberty is a continuum and can begin around age 9-10, starting with development of breasts, pubic and underarm hair, a growth spurt, and then menses. Throughout this time you have hormonal changes, so I suppose you could have a wet dream, prior to onset of menses.”

It led to my other question: Can wet dreams in itself mark the onset of a girl’s puberty (balagha) making her accountable for her religious obligations like fasting and hijab? Of course as any fiqhi matter, this too, had ikhtilaf (difference of opinions). I do not intend to defend one opinion or the other, but I will briefly mention both opinions.

Those scholars, who support the opinion that wet dreams are an indication of a girl reaching the age of puberty, base their opinion on the signs of male puberty and do not make any distinction between the two genders; they include menstruation as an additional sign for females.

However, the other opinion is inferred from a number of ahadith that state that the rulings are to be established at time of menstruation, like the hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam:

“Allah does not accept the prayer of a menstruating woman [i.e who has gotten her menstruation] unless she wears a veil [khimar]“. [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmizi]

And like the narration in Sahih Muslim in which the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam indicated that a man’s prayer is cut off when a woman who has gotten her menstruation passes in front of him. In this hadith, the sign of a baligha (a woman who has reached puberty) was indicated by her menstruation, wAllahu ta’ala ‘alam.

To conclude, since the female wet dream may or may not be accompanied by a discharge, contrary to that of men, I posed a few questions to the shuyukh based on the discussion I had with other women and I received following answers from Sh. Yasir Qadhi:

These answers are by Sh. Yasir Qadhi:

To be honest we rarely find such DETAILED discussion in fiqh books, most likely because men are not as familiar with this topic as they should be. However, based on the hadith of the Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalam, I would say that:

Question: If a woman sees a sexual dream but is confused whether she had an orgasm or not, what should she do? (Please keep in mind that female genital area is always wet, and they do not necessarily always have extra discharge upon orgasm, so the matter is not as easy to discriminate as for men)

Answer: The ‘asl (original) is that she has not had a wet dream, so until there is yaqin (certainty) she does not have to take a bath. Therefore, if she does not remember an orgasm, and her private area is not extra wet, she doesn’t have to do ghusl (bath).

Question: If she sees extra vaginal discharge but is sure that she didn’t have any dream of sexual nature at all?

Answer: Vaginal discharge does not necessitate ghusl, no problems here.

Question: If she sees extra vaginal discharge and is confused about the dream (i.e. vaguely recalls something but is not sure either), again keeping in mind that extra vaginal discharge could be completely hormonal or due to the normal menstrual cycle?

Answer: She must have yaqin (certainty) or at least a very strong presumption that she’s had a wet dream (which includes an orgasm).

***************************************************************

Umm Reem is a lawyer-wife, a negotiator-mom, a professional cook, and an average housekeeper who excels in management of multiple chores at a time. However, she believes her real specialty is her superb driving skills, because she can drive with her left hand (at times with no hand depending on the situation), while managing to keep an eye both on the road and the back seat, solving disputes between her two elder children, usually on an unjust occupation of more than a fair share of a seat by one or the other. At the same time, she has to keep the third one quite who is normally situated in the middle on her car seat, and becomes squished between India & Pakistan…err, her elder daughter and son. On a serious note, Allah azzawajal has blessed Umm Reem with 3 wonderful children, aged 3 to 11, with the elder two home-schooled (walhamdullilah). She completed her bachelors in Islamic Studies from AOU (American Open University) recently, and has been actively involved with MSA, TDC and community activities for many years. Although she is not a professional counselor, she has been pulled into helping mothers and teenage daughters for a few years, including counseling youth at al-Huda in Houston. She was also the founder of Daughters of Adam- the magazine (2001-2007) which will be rejuvenated online in the near future.

Tagged as: , , , , ,

Joke: Understanding Women, Understanding Men

Genie lamp

"I'll grant you one wish," the genie said.


Understanding Women:

A man was on a boat that capsized in the sea. Alhamdulillah the waves cast him up on a desert island. After months of loneliness, a beautiful colored bottle washed up on the beach. The man picked it up and caressed it, admiring its beauty, until a genie came out in a puff of smoke.

“Thank you for releasing me from my prison,” the genie said. “I grant you any wish you like. I can’t do magic, but I’m very strong and wise.”

“Wonderful,” the man said. “Build me a bridge back to my country so I can return home.”

“Oh, come on,” the genie said. “Do you have any idea what a massive engineering feat that would be? There’s not enough steel or stone in the world for that. I’m just a simple genie. Wish for something realistic.”

“Okay then,” the man said. “I wish to understand the mind of a woman.”

“Alright,” said the genie, sighing. “Did you want a suspension bridge, cable bridge, or arch bridge?”


Understanding Men:

“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated: “There is no rational thought or logic connected with it.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”

Cartoon about men and women's expectations“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Translated: “That girl standing on the corner is a real babe.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”
Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Translated: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Translated: “I remember the names and stats of dozens of football players’, the telephone number of my first girlfriend, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS – I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.
“Translated: “I will bleed to death before I admit that I’m not a tough guy.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Translated: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.”
Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and someone else might be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Translated: “Oh, please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”

“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

Tagged as: , , ,